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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my father, who is going through a serious mid-life crisis, walked into my room, told me to "sit the fuck down," and spent the next two hours ranting about how the Lord of the Rings books prophesy the end of the world this December, and that Sauron is an analogy for "corrupt bankers." FML

#19950706
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20348) - you deserved it (1762)

On 07/17/2012 at 4:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

#19907709
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23404) - you deserved it (3368)

On 07/08/2012 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML

#19880160
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19145) - you deserved it (3548)

On 07/02/2012 at 8:36am - misc - by furious at five in the morning (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while walking around the local thrift store, I noticed an attractive guy watching me and following me through the aisles. As he followed me to my car I was sure I would get his number. He then asks me to bring my purse inside as I had been tagged as a shoplifter. I work at the store. FML

#19858168
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22070) - you deserved it (2020)

On 06/27/2012 at 10:28pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother said she's noticed that I've been very angry lately. She came to the conclusion that I "haven't been laid enough" and my boyfriend is "not doing his job." Thanks Grandma. FML

#19855906
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24781) - you deserved it (4242)

On 06/27/2012 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by RatCityChick - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27783) - you deserved it (4247)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while giving my fiancé a hand-job, my ring got stuck in his pubes. We had to awkwardly get to the kitchen to get scissors. FML

Today, I was at the mall with my friend. A lady came up to us and told my friend that she could be a model. Then the lady looked at me and said, "Oh... Nice shoes." FML

#19790589
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23385) - you deserved it (2213)

On 06/15/2012 at 1:54am - misc - by Rose (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while at my cosmetics job, an elderly lady came up to me asking for a product. I told her we had a smaller size and a larger size for a better deal. She told me she wanted the smaller size because she'd "probably be dead" before she finished that one. I laughed. She was serious. FML

#19764407
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23624) - you deserved it (4641)

On 06/10/2012 at 4:47am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML

#19761767
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6315) - you deserved it (52174)

On 06/09/2012 at 7:04pm - love - by UnluckyGroom (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while waiting for a bus, someone started smoking at the bus shelter, which is illegal in my city. I politely asked him to stop smoking, citing the city ordinance. He just cackled and said that if I'm so concerned about the state of my health, I should start by losing 90 pounds. FML

#19749863
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17787) - you deserved it (34220)

On 06/07/2012 at 1:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

Today, I got a ticket for panhandling to get gas money so that I could both drive out to a job interview AND still have enough gas to pick up my dad. Apparently, these particular cops had nothing better to do than harass me for standing quietly next to a freeway entrance with a silly sign. FML

#19635056
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7788) - you deserved it (24167)

On 05/16/2012 at 11:42pm - money - by Starving Student - United States (Washington)



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