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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5895) - you deserved it (50969)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

#20126784
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21806) - you deserved it (1535)

On 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37238) - you deserved it (12403)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26945) - you deserved it (6938)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22193) - you deserved it (2043)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33174) - you deserved it (2540)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I came home to my wife practising biting her lip in the mirror. Fuck you, Fifty Shades of Grey. FML

#20096658
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26526) - you deserved it (3490)

On 10/01/2012 at 11:02am - love - by fiftyno (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

Today, I started my new job. Less than one hour into the day, my boss told me that the reason he hired me was that I was the least attractive of everyone he interviewed, so I'd be less likely to cause a distraction. FML

#20083494
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21548) - you deserved it (1697)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:17pm - work - by Annette (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28777) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

#20066967
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22612) - you deserved it (6508)

On 09/10/2012 at 11:13pm - love - by TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17008) - you deserved it (67986)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)



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