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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35416) - you deserved it (3095)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I overheard my mother telling my sister that she expects my marriage to fall apart any day now. Apparently, I have no concept of what "marriage" really means. My husband and I just celebrated our 7th anniversary, while my mother is planning her 5th wedding. FML

#20438192
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42608) - you deserved it (2031)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:31am - love - by alynna007 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I sat on my own testicles while having a serious and tenderly sweet discussion with my fiancée about our future together. We were both crying, but for very different reasons. FML

#20433657
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (5118)

On 12/31/2012 at 6:16am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37114) - you deserved it (4078)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to cover a coworker's closing shift because she felt sick. My boss even gave me a $10 gift card for doing it. I felt good about it, until I walked outside and found that my car had been stolen. FML

#20425281
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32870) - you deserved it (2027)

On 12/27/2012 at 3:52am - work - by Ross R - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been 13 months since I've been living in the States. I've been called a Nazi, asked if we have electricity in Germany, and been made fun of the way I speak with my "German accent", the list goes on. I'm not even German, I'm Danish. FML

#20201491
410 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39775) - you deserved it (2442)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:45am - kids - by LearnGeographyUSA (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

#20191114
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10942) - you deserved it (21038)

On 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm - work - by Adan - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

#20189404
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20053) - you deserved it (1779)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

#20187578
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29583) - you deserved it (2223)

On 12/02/2012 at 3:03am - love - by Anna - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49148) - you deserved it (14521)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got laid off. Why would they lay me off right before the holidays? Because they want to make sure every one else gets a nice holiday bonus. FML

#20173186
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22769) - you deserved it (1431)

On 11/21/2012 at 11:31pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

#20170605
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13401) - you deserved it (31622)

On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)



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