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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I flew back home from out of state. When I got back to my house, my bed, furniture, and TV were gone. My girlfriend changed her number and I have no idea where she lives now. FML

#20153491
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24305) - you deserved it (1888)

On 11/07/2012 at 1:28pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30574) - you deserved it (4286)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (2989)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30859) - you deserved it (3430)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10212) - you deserved it (40543)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

#20137874
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18411) - you deserved it (3592)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:10pm - work - by Medic - United States (Washington)

Today, I tagged along with some friends to a party in the woods. Halfway into the night, a party-goer's boyfriend got extremely drunk and violent, causing the others to panic and drive away in the two cars we pooled in. My best friend and I had to run all the way back home on foot. FML

#20134435
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17624) - you deserved it (3619)

On 10/26/2012 at 4:49pm - misc - by Miss Spasticator (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5883) - you deserved it (50892)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into my room, only to find my 15-year-old brother violating my old teddy bear. FML

#20126784
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21760) - you deserved it (1535)

On 10/21/2012 at 2:54pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML

#20106351
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36611) - you deserved it (12247)

On 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by Unfortunate (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

#20104739
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26896) - you deserved it (6931)

On 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm - kids - by TheVirginJenny - United States (Washington)

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22155) - you deserved it (2042)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally got my hands on the new iPhone 5, after I pulled it out of a patient's rectum. FML

#20098468
392 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33138) - you deserved it (2540)

On 10/02/2012 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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