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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I tried to give my first hand-job while wearing fuzzy socks in a carpeted room. I reached out to touch his penis and shocked him. FML

#21493038
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25542) - you deserved it (4733)

On 11/15/2015 at 11:55pm - intimacy - by nnniii - United States (Washington)

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She got incredibly excited and started flapping her hands around. Then she suddenly went deadpan and said "But seriously... no." FML

#21486387
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (1746)

On 10/31/2015 at 3:19am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got so desperate for cash that I decided to start selling my used panties online. FML

#21485715
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23007) - you deserved it (6470)

On 10/29/2015 at 4:58am - intimacy - by Natasha (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned the hisses of my 3 cats so I can tell who starts the fights. FML

#21484848
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20956) - you deserved it (3188)

On 10/26/2015 at 11:41pm - animals - by snydeeli000 - United States (Washington)

Today, as I was changing my sheets, I found a huge spider under my pillow. My 10 year old sister had to get rid of it for me. FML

#21478464
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20216) - you deserved it (5666)

On 10/11/2015 at 12:10am - animals - by NotASpiderMan - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

#21477344
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22030) - you deserved it (3830)

On 10/07/2015 at 10:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss had a breakdown and sent me home early. Apparently my voice reminds him of his abusive stepfather. He said I'm lucky he's on medication. FML

#21472188
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23524) - you deserved it (1369)

On 09/24/2015 at 12:42pm - work - by cougar26 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

#21470040
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22215) - you deserved it (1540)

On 09/18/2015 at 10:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

#21466996
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23526) - you deserved it (1554)

On 09/10/2015 at 7:21pm - misc - by WhyM3Th0ugh - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to complete a simple math problem to submit a web form in order to show that I wasn't a spam robot. I got it wrong. I'm officially too bad at arithmetic to prove I'm human. FML

#21464190
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20038) - you deserved it (7950)

On 09/03/2015 at 4:14pm - misc - by stupidrobot (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was scheduled to fill in at the customer service counter where I work. Today was also the day that I allegedly accused a customer of being a thief, sold her a fraudulent money order, and will be sued for defamation of character. FML

#21462126
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18686) - you deserved it (1660)

On 08/29/2015 at 1:13pm - work - by thegrandchawhee - United States (Washington)

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

#21455147
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28674) - you deserved it (2683)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:50am - misc - by Why Me - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom meant to send a picture of her poop to my aunt, but sent it to my swim coach instead. FML



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