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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30487) - you deserved it (3259)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30104) - you deserved it (5465)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

#21384468
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24958) - you deserved it (2115)

On 03/30/2015 at 10:50pm - health - by technical - United States (Washington)

Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML

#21383398
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25909) - you deserved it (2179)

On 03/29/2015 at 2:38am - misc - by Kryometric - United States (Washington)

Today, I tore my ACL while doing physical therapy that's supposed to keep me from tearing my ACL. FML

#21381900
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31434) - you deserved it (2236)

On 03/26/2015 at 2:36pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

#21379056
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29083) - you deserved it (3574)

On 03/21/2015 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by stoprubbingitinmyface (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I tried to surprise my husband by wearing something sexy to bed. He didn't say anything, just laughed and left the room for 10 minutes. The little confidence I had disappeared, so I changed, feeling stupid for thinking I could pull off sexy. He got mad at me for being confusing. FML

#21376116
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35668) - you deserved it (80)

On 03/17/2015 at 1:09am - intimacy - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

#21372313
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117) - you deserved it (2420)

On 03/11/2015 at 1:32am - kids - by CasaDeLoser (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

#21369365
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35031) - you deserved it (2880)

On 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm - kids - by single&alone (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

#21358314
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (103) - you deserved it (4931)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm - love - by superscript - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

#21353586
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32053) - you deserved it (3266)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm - love - by doomed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

#21348755
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40536) - you deserved it (4191)

On 02/02/2015 at 11:36pm - love - by bootyislife - United States (Washington)

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

#21348144
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32562) - you deserved it (2299)

On 02/02/2015 at 1:41am - work - by CalledOut (man) - United States (Washington)



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