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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, my kid made a new friend at school. When I asked her to describe her new friend, she said, "She looks kinda like you, only pretty." FML

#21372313
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95) - you deserved it (2408)

On 03/11/2015 at 1:32am - kids - by CasaDeLoser (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny tard like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML

#21369365
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34982) - you deserved it (2878)

On 03/06/2015 at 3:44pm - kids - by single&alone (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend wasn't really bedridden sick on Valentine's Day. A Super Smash Bros game date with his friends was just more important. FML

#21358314
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83) - you deserved it (4908)

On 02/17/2015 at 10:40pm - love - by superscript - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband recited to me the name and model number of every single weapon in the game Doom, along with what they did and roughly where to find them. Last month, he forgot my birthday. We've been married for 6 years; he hasn't played Doom in at least 10. FML

#21353586
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32015) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/10/2015 at 7:00pm - love - by doomed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML

#21348755
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40498) - you deserved it (4187)

On 02/02/2015 at 11:36pm - love - by bootyislife - United States (Washington)

Today, I started getting calls from gay men looking for anonymous kinky sex. It turns out that my coworker has been posting my personal information in Craigslist Personals section as a prank. My wife doesn't believe that my coworker is such an asshole. FML

#21348144
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32183) - you deserved it (2272)

On 02/02/2015 at 1:41am - work - by CalledOut (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my 2-year-old brother is afraid of his own penis. Whenever he doesn't have a diaper on, he screams, cries and yells, "Ew". FML

#21347945
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30084) - you deserved it (2458)

On 02/01/2015 at 7:43pm - health - by okseñoryoucrazy - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

#21344889
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15237) - you deserved it (25619)

On 01/27/2015 at 12:43am - misc - by katrina2d (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I have to wear earplugs in my own apartment because my neighbor won't turn down his music. My landlord doesn't believe me because "people with disabilities can't be rude." FML

#21343763
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26938) - you deserved it (1893)

On 01/25/2015 at 12:01am - misc - by Earplugged (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

#21342882
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31400) - you deserved it (4427)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:12pm - misc - by Annomymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend told me that her fear of PDA has gotten so bad, she doesn't think she'll even be able to kiss me on our wedding day. Her parents are going be there and she can't imagine showing affection in front of other people, let alone her parents. FML

#21342878
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31196) - you deserved it (2673)

On 01/23/2015 at 1:09pm - love - by uggg - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out why I receive random drug tests at work. The safety department was specifically told by my boss to check up on me because I always seem way too cheerful to not be high. I've passed every single test. FML

#21342840
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (2282)

On 01/23/2015 at 11:41am - work - by Ineedlotsofwater (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to negotiate with my husband so he would bring me toilet paper while I was on the john. His terms? A blowjob. FML

#21334864
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30596) - you deserved it (6397)

On 01/11/2015 at 12:56am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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