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FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I'm sick with the worst head cold of my life. For some reason whenever I cough, I also fart. Everyone thinks I'm just trying to cover up flatulence with fake coughing. FML

#21266077
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33566) - you deserved it (2909)

On 09/26/2014 at 10:46pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

#21263789
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35453) - you deserved it (2213)

On 09/23/2014 at 12:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend has chipped his front teeth for the third time in 2 months. After refusing to tell me how this keeps on happening, I walked in on him throwing his phone in the air and trying to catch it in his mouth. FML

#21261750
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (207) - you deserved it (4241)

On 09/20/2014 at 11:03am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

#21256123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36137) - you deserved it (2712)

On 09/11/2014 at 2:49am - work - by PerfectVision (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I started a new job. Three of my Kenyan coworkers keep getting together and reminding me that having more than one wife is okay in their country. I've gotten 3 marriage proposals from married men so far. FML

#21255696
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34179) - you deserved it (2827)

On 09/10/2014 at 1:16pm - work - by notmarryingyou - United States (Washington)

Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML

#21245090
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (13757)

On 08/25/2014 at 2:05pm - kids - by JackieD (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I witnessed my karate instructor whimper and practically piss himself as a guy walked up to him in the street and demanded his wallet. What a total waste of hundreds of dollars' worth of lessons. FML

#21244527
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33492) - you deserved it (3693)

On 08/24/2014 at 4:45pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

#21243162
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37093) - you deserved it (5737)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:04pm - misc - by lonely loser (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called my boyfriend to let him know that I'm pregnant. He instantly replied "Bullshit!", then hung up and apparently skipped town. FML

#21241143
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12794) - you deserved it (5940)

On 08/19/2014 at 6:30pm - kids - by Xbieblette51 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a customer told my boss I was too pushy because I asked her what bra size she wears. I work at a lingerie store. I got a stern lecture from my boss. FML

#21240726
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38939) - you deserved it (2912)

On 08/18/2014 at 10:59pm - work - by sorrynotsorry (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while taking out the trash, I swung the bag back and forth, which caused it to slide across my leg. An opened aluminum can inside the bag ended up slicing through my calf, causing heavy bleeding. Baked beans sent me to the hospital. FML

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39676) - you deserved it (13870)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

#21212849
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42373) - you deserved it (6828)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by familyhatesme - United States (Washington)



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