Today, I lost my phone. I tried to call it using my husband's phone, but couldn't figure out which of the three Kates in the contact list was me. Turns out, two are co-workers and one is his aunt. I was listed under Satan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14375) - you totally deserved it (2614)
On 03/15/2010 at 7:22pm - love - by Satan (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my roommate and I finally went to the DMV to transfer our vehicle ownership title to our names. On our way out, we joked that we were now responsible for any violations involving our car. We came back to a $35 parking ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2227) - you totally deserved it (8472)
On 03/13/2010 at 4:17am - misc - by loki (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML
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On 03/08/2010 at 12:34am - misc - by itsEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML
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On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I told my mom I was 3 months pregnant, expecting her to be happy. Instead, she screamed that I was no longer her daughter and she never wanted to see me again before throwing me out of her house, because I got pregnant out of wedlock. Nice math mom. I've been married for 5 months. FML
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On 03/07/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by notamathematician (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
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On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I had pancakes for breakfast, and without realizing it, I got syrup in my hair. After breakfast, I went to straighten my hair, only to burn the syrup and have it get stuck in my hair. There's no time to shower and it smells. FML
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On 02/28/2010 at 12:10pm - misc - by maddy - United States (Washington)
Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML
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On 02/20/2010 at 12:30am - love - by izhamilton (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML
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On 02/03/2010 at 12:11am - money - by olyswimmer (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend watching a home made sex tape he had previously made with his ex-girlfriend. What's worse than him jerking off to it? He was crying and hugging a pillow. FML
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On 02/02/2010 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML
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On 01/30/2010 at 2:21pm - work - by Whoopsx99 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend decided to perform a strip tease for me. As he was stripping out of his clothes, he took his shirt and then pants off first. He was wearing zebra striped knee high socks and underwear. I burst out laughing. He left. FML
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On 01/27/2010 at 2:35am - intimacy - by DuChaillu (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I have been dating an incredibly gorgeous woman. She had a poor self image and after the longest time, I finally convinced her to seek counselling to help her self esteem. It worked. So well in fact that she just broke up with me because she "finally realized she could do so much better" FML
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On 01/22/2010 at 7:10pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)
