FMLs submitted from Washington

Today, I was told I needed to start carrying bandaids with me at work because practically every day I hurt myself. FML

by anonymous / 09/24/2016 at 9:10am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I've been recovering for a week from my medically needed circumcision. I'm 30, and they advise you wear essentially a jock strap for the first week to help. It wasn't too bad until I went to take the thing off and it caught a stitch on my manhood. That's the most unique pain ever. FML

by T3kM4n / 09/20/2016 at 2:08am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, my girlfriend told me that she didn't know we were actually dating. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2016 at 11:05pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, I overheard two classmates wondering who Joan of Arc was. They agreed among themselves that she had to be the wife of Noah. We're in college. FML

by Emmereen / 08/22/2016 at 10:21pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father in law was here before I walked in naked. FML

by Pikababy19 / 08/18/2016 at 7:12pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had an appointment. After 2 hours of waiting in the sun, my mom finally picked me up and lectured me on how irresponsible my dad was for not communicating with her. Not 5 minutes after I got home, my dad showed up and gave me the same exact lecture about my mom. FML

by Still Waiting / 08/16/2016 at 2:54pm / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I logged on to my Gmail account and to find that my brother had sent my math teacher a picture of Bigfoot peeing into a urinal. Using my account. FML

by Hey, thats not math!? / 08/09/2016 at 4:20pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

by so unsexy / 08/04/2016 at 5:32pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I got so anxious while trying to fight the ticket I got earlier this month that I passed out in front of the judge. FML

by so embarrassing / 08/02/2016 at 2:27am / United States (Washington) / Transportation

Today, I sent a Snapchat the girl I've been flirting with all week. Her response was the back of her Coke Zero, which had the quote "You've Got a Friend in Me." I got rejected by a soda can. FML

by Anonymous / 07/25/2016 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Geek

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2016 at 2:40am / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I told my parents that I was going on a diet to lose weight and I wanted their support. They brought home donuts and pizza for dinner. FML

by mattlikesfunions / 07/18/2016 at 2:56pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, an elderly patient complained because I used the words "vaginal" and "breast". I work at an OBGYN's office. FML

by Anonymous / 07/15/2016 at 10:08pm / United States (Washington) / Work