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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20916) - you deserved it (8835)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

#20078344
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (1602)

On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24152) - you deserved it (4172)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

#20054113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23336) - you deserved it (3730)

On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33731) - you deserved it (10483)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

#20050674
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28181) - you deserved it (2626)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:02am - love - by yonanon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

#20048535
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8240) - you deserved it (24931)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:33pm - misc - by nolife - United States (Virginia)

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

#20007765
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19147) - you deserved it (1906)

On 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm - misc - by Alisha - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

#19927965
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9222) - you deserved it (27358)

On 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother-in-law said I wasn't the type she expected her son to marry, as he's always dated cheerleaders and model types. I must have looked offended, so she added, "I mean they weren't smart like you." So, I might be smart but I'm the ugliest girl my husband has ever been with. FML

#19879190
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23514) - you deserved it (2700)

On 07/02/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered my children had found my vibrator and buried it in the cat's litter box. FML

#19850668
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23309) - you deserved it (11107)

On 06/26/2012 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Heather (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

#19784207
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13133) - you deserved it (23553)

On 06/13/2012 at 9:17pm - misc - by ww2freak - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27044) - you deserved it (2838)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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