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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

#20430634
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26391) - you deserved it (2993)

On 12/29/2012 at 8:01pm - work - by nose hurts (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

#20403025
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30916) - you deserved it (3342)

On 12/17/2012 at 12:08am - misc - by Cold (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my very cheap boyfriend of four years proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later overwhelmed with emotion when my finger turned green. FML

#20201870
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27639) - you deserved it (3922)

On 12/12/2012 at 12:51pm - love - by dino0123 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

#20170839
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10108) - you deserved it (28886)

On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after finally falling asleep, my boyfriend woke me up and got extremely mad at me. My offense? My pillow was touching his side of the bed. After yelling at me, he's now sleeping on the couch, and I'm lying in bed wide awake. FML

#20158574
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21258) - you deserved it (2588)

On 11/11/2012 at 5:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

#20149916
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11100) - you deserved it (40914)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:15am - intimacy - by coolguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered a brown recluse spider in my house. Before I could smash it, it escaped under the door. Now I'm freaked out and wearing boots and gloves, clutching at my kittens and waiting for it to appear. My dad laughs everytime he walks past. FML

#20141607
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20305) - you deserved it (3978)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:09pm - animals - by NotSpiderman (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

#20129768
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (3766)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24840) - you deserved it (1605)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

#20118123
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24371) - you deserved it (3201)

On 10/15/2012 at 3:00pm - work - by anon - United States (Virginia)

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

#20117850
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21125) - you deserved it (3522)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:10am - kids - by Reihna (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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