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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

#20099296
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21895) - you deserved it (1432)

On 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm - work - by Sara (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

#20096548
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17311) - you deserved it (5049)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:50am - misc - by awks - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16679) - you deserved it (25796)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

#20083631
356 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20793) - you deserved it (8818)

On 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm - kids - by SadDad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

#20078344
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23204) - you deserved it (1591)

On 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm - misc - by disgusted (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23355) - you deserved it (4067)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

#20054113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23200) - you deserved it (3720)

On 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32511) - you deserved it (10148)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

#20050674
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28030) - you deserved it (2614)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:02am - love - by yonanon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

#20048535
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8209) - you deserved it (24825)

On 08/29/2012 at 9:33pm - misc - by nolife - United States (Virginia)

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

#20007765
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19051) - you deserved it (1898)

On 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm - misc - by Alisha - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was running late for an important job interview because I couldn't find my keys. I place the keys on my kitchen counter every day to prevent exactly this type of situation. After few minutes and missing my interview, I finally found my keys, in my hand. FML

#19927965
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9179) - you deserved it (27238)

On 07/12/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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