FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

by sydmarie98 / 07/06/2015 at 6:51pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

by piercednipple / 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

by missmolliss / 06/25/2015 at 4:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got a call from my cable company in regards to a bill I didn't pay. I paid the bill two weeks ago in full, but they never told me the account changed when my name was put on the account. So now I owe $170 more, and my ex-roommate is getting a $140 refund in the mail. FML

by broke bitch / 06/23/2015 at 12:15am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, my friends decided to throw a going away party because I'm moving. It would have been great if I had actually been invited. FML

by rcarn / 06/12/2015 at 10:25am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made out with a boy for the first time. I belched into his mouth. FML

by NoMoreTacoBell / 06/04/2015 at 12:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was choking on a popcorn kernel at the movie theater. Nobody helped me. The workers in there told me to leave because I was "disrupting the audience". FML

by MdMan2 / 06/03/2015 at 10:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

by PrinceOfBritain / 05/13/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my new prescription medicine for my chronic acne did in fact work. It worked by inflaming the skin around my zits so that they blended in. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 11:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got my 14-year-old son to aim while using the bathroom. If only I could get my husband to do the same. FML

by JustSom / 05/04/2015 at 10:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

by umyuck / 05/03/2015 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while driving, I saw a car pull over with its hazard lights on. I went to see if they needed help, only to see the guy was jerking off to something on his phone. FML

by someoneneedsassistance / 04/24/2015 at 11:07am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy