FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I finished reading a manga series on a website I go on all the time. As I read the last page I got a huge celebratory message from the website saying I was the first one to read every manga on their site. The website opened in 2011 and has over 30,000 manga. My God, I need a social life. FML

by Lesser spotted female gaming nerd / 01/11/2016 at 9:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Geek

Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML

by Anonameow / 01/02/2016 at 11:57am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays

Today, I walked in on the 13 year-old boy I babysit masturbating while sniffing my jacket. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

by whitnayfortooh / 12/04/2015 at 1:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML

by Koizumiii / 11/15/2015 at 1:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got fired from my job a week before I started my new position in a different area of the company. My supervisor found out I was going to be making more money than her. FML

by cpizzle12 / 10/29/2015 at 6:20am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

by RedHatKat / 10/20/2015 at 10:02pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 7:41am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

by crb25453 / 10/15/2015 at 1:07am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

by xxx / 10/03/2015 at 9:38am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy