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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7894) - you deserved it (44850)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a 32 year old man I had been dating for a few months, finally took me to his place. To my surprise, this bachelor had a huge and very clean home! Also, to my surprise, I met the REAL homeowner. His grandmother, who came home early. We were having sex on her couch at the time. FML

#92006
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53444) - you deserved it (9395)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by x (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I told my college friend that I considered her to be my best friend. She responded, "I don't think you should call me that." FML

#84987
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (3576)

On 02/20/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by Oh dear... (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the library studying. There was a really cute guy across the room. I decided to play it cool and walk his way and grab some water. Right as I walked by, my body decided to let out the loudest fart. He laughed. I kept walking and asked my friend to grab my books. FML

#80589
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30276) - you deserved it (13086)

On 02/19/2009 at 6:17pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my professor, who was born without arms, asked somebody "need a hand?" There are over 300 students in that class and I was the only one laughing. FML

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

#61152
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44631) - you deserved it (8473)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by KS (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

#36168
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36440) - you deserved it (18389)

On 02/13/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by fmlfmboyfriendah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

#27684
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74723) - you deserved it (3970)

On 02/11/2009 at 9:09pm - misc - by sober (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

#26986
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35592) - you deserved it (3194)

On 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by hungry - United States (Virginia)

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

#24019
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47680) - you deserved it (7942)

On 02/11/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by J (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, "Just watching the ripples." FML

#22681
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36435) - you deserved it (5805)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:11pm - misc - by thunder thighs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

#20313
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93777) - you deserved it (5140)

On 02/10/2009 at 10:08am - misc - by imalilangel05 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

#19361
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6600) - you deserved it (49904)

On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)



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