FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I met a cute girl at a dance club. I entered her number in my phone just before she left the club. With a proud smile, I turned the screen towards my buddy, showing off my accomplishment. Attempting to give me a friendly pat he accidentally closed my phone. I hadn't saved the number. FML

by philderichmond / 06/13/2009 at 10:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him as well as my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worth $0. I said yes. He cut the wrong card. FML

by bryans_fresh / 06/12/2009 at 7:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2009 at 10:37am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

by AllyCat / 06/07/2009 at 12:49am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I went to watch the Movie "UP." At one point in the movie I got really sad and started to cry a bit. The 7 year old girl next to me noticed and told me to shut and man up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/05/2009 at 9:20am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was performing in an orchestra concert. My stand partner and I commented on people in the audience the whole time, saying how fat they were, etc. Towards the end of the concert, I realized we were sitting right by a microphone, and the whole audience could hear us. FML

by anon / 06/04/2009 at 7:35am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2009 at 1:40am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

by dumbo / 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML

by danyelicindereli / 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking calls at the helpdesk I work at. The caller was a man, and while helping him with his issue he suddenly stopped to tell me I had a nice soothing voice. Then he told me to say something else. As I continued to help him, he started making moaning noises. I'm a guy. FML

by Anonymous / 05/28/2009 at 12:52pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my most difficult task at work was three hole punching a 500 page document so somebody could put it in a binder on their shelf and not read it. I have a $150,000 education. FML

by bagpipesrkmywrld / 05/26/2009 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

by Wick / 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation