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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML

#300638
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31673) - you deserved it (65482)

On 03/13/2009 at 9:48am - intimacy - by DanniRae (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

#284763
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63656) - you deserved it (21435)

On 03/12/2009 at 3:49pm - health - by mugs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to exchange presents for our birthdays. I spent $100 on perfume and Victoria's Secret clothes. She bought me a bag of lifesavers, then asked me to leave because she wanted to take a nap. FML

#274093
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72650) - you deserved it (4919)

On 03/11/2009 at 4:46pm - love - by cdick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got back to my apartment from being away for the past week on Spring break. I found the locks on my apartment changed and all my things on the curb, many of them broken or stolen. I ran to the leasing office to see what had happened. Turns out it was an accounting error on their part. FML

#250263
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88692) - you deserved it (2972)

On 03/09/2009 at 8:12am - misc - by Homeless (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was working at the grocery store and a very old woman wanted to give me a tip for bagging her groceries. She slid a quarter into my pocket against my thigh as deep down as she could get it, then she gave me a smile and a wink. I was groped by a grandma. FML

#249390
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56115) - you deserved it (4104)

On 03/09/2009 at 2:15am - work - by unsatisfied (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

#241205
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57593) - you deserved it (9160)

On 03/08/2009 at 10:39am - misc - by marge1010 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I put my picture into a celebrity look alike website. The three matches that came up were Barbra Streisand, Hillary Clinton, and Boy George. I'm 16. I'm a boy. FML

#224033
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50875) - you deserved it (6852)

On 03/06/2009 at 1:09am - misc - by oconron (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year old daughter from her room texts me, "Stop." FML

#197620
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30093) - you deserved it (77320)

On 03/03/2009 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by dad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

#194892
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you deserved it (89748)

On 03/03/2009 at 11:49am - misc - by noway6000 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

#194587
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74388) - you deserved it (20971)

On 03/03/2009 at 10:38am - misc - by asdfasdf - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend and I went to a tacky-themed party. She was wearing orange faux snake stilettos. I commented, "Those are perfect for tonight, where'd you manage to find such hideous shoes?" It turns out she wears those shoes all the time, the color just matched her outfit. FML

#181542
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11605) - you deserved it (41506)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:07am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML

#170218
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55673) - you deserved it (14468)

On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

#163929
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64635) - you deserved it (2952)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:50pm - work - by Grrrrr (man) - United States (Virginia)



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