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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

#1838919
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58698) - you deserved it (6400)

On 05/11/2009 at 8:08am - intimacy - by BlueBallMcGee (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to mow the lawn with a weedwacker because it rained a lot the past week and the push mower was broken. I started "mowing", and forgetting that I am mowing where the dogs go to the restroom, I absent-mindedly weedwack over dog poop. Which got flung into my face. FML

#1775863
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37131) - you deserved it (23714)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:50am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was shopping in the mall. A cute store worker kept checking me out, so after I picked a few things I went up to her and started flirting. After a few seconds, she cut me off and said, "Actually I was watching you because you look like someone who would shoplift." FML

#1729820
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42934) - you deserved it (6484)

On 05/07/2009 at 7:43pm - misc - by Bucks9 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad texted me and told me "I love u." I answer back with "I love you too dad...are you drunk?" and he answers back "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

#1696810
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63959) - you deserved it (4662)

On 05/06/2009 at 6:04pm - love - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to donate blood for the first time. When they stuck the needle in my arm, I had a panic attack and begged that they take it out. The woman helping me told me she'd take it out in a moment and left. It was then that the Red Cross stole a pint of my blood while I had a panic attack. FML

#1674851
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46528) - you deserved it (16395)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (67786)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, my soccer team got our warm up t-shirts that say "You can hit on us, but you can't score." After the game, a guy behind my friend asks, "Hey what does the front of your shirt say?" I replied for her, "You can hit on us." He looked at me and my friend and said, "No thanks." FML

#1593642
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41805) - you deserved it (10446)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, as I was driving home, I saw a woman get hit by a car. I immediately parked on the side of the road to assist her. I called an ambulance and stayed with her until they came to get her, comforting her all the while. When I returned to my car, I found a parking ticket in my windshield. FML

#1537905
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102478) - you deserved it (5626)

On 05/01/2009 at 8:46pm - misc - by Flipside (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I forgot my inhaler. I had an asthma attack and had to go to the ER. The doctors told me it wasn't an asthma attack. It was just a panic attack from worrying about whether I would get an asthma attack. FML

#1529921
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60005) - you deserved it (17326)

On 05/01/2009 at 5:07pm - health - by jlover42 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I rolled down the windows in my car. When I tried to roll up the passenger side window, it was stuck. Rain was coming so I freaked out and brought it to the dealership to get it fixed. The man pushed the child safety lock button and the entire garage erupted in laughter. FML

#1525819
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11816) - you deserved it (57475)

On 05/01/2009 at 2:42pm - misc - by KMilly (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I opened my email expecting to see messages from my friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, but there were none. There were Happy Birthday messages from Pizza Hut and Victoria's Secret, however. FML

#1525612
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54877) - you deserved it (3905)

On 05/01/2009 at 2:36pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

#1505270
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16396) - you deserved it (47025)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by Eli123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

#1423979
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21369) - you deserved it (58665)

On 04/28/2009 at 2:47pm - misc - by fuckspellcheck (man) - United States (Virginia)



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