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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, was the day I would turn my life around and start losing weight. I went outside for my first run and said, "I got this!" I confidently stepped forward, the first symbolic steps to my new life. In the anticipation, I forgot my porch had steps. I face-planted on my driveway. FML

#21271662
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36601) - you deserved it (7281)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:17pm - health - by PickYourselfUp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44979) - you deserved it (5864)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking a table's order. After I finished, the guy told me, "Just FYI, I'm not a tipper." Trying to lighten up the situation, I replied, "It's amazing how many people forget I handle their food." He complained to the manager that I'd threatened him. FML

#21268536
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39336) - you deserved it (7794)

On 09/30/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got yelled, screamed, and cursed at by a customer until I was reduced to tears. This was all because I double-checked to make sure she wanted large fries. FML

#21266131
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37023) - you deserved it (3224)

On 09/27/2014 at 12:22am - work - by heretoserve (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while waiting for my violin student to unpack his violin, he farted loudly and rhythmically on the sofa, and then went on about how it sounded like the "Shave and a Haircut" rhythm. FML

#21259194
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26671) - you deserved it (2446)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:17am - work - by cazzb - United States (Virginia)

Today, I posted an ad online for house cleaning services. So far, all fifteen responses have been solicitations for sex. FML

#21229459
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35762) - you deserved it (4087)

On 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm - work - by notthenaughtymaid (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML

#21224233
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38782) - you deserved it (6379)

On 07/29/2014 at 10:36pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

#21219507
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40195) - you deserved it (16741)

On 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43711) - you deserved it (22718)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to take a splinter out of my eight year old son's penis. FML

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

#21218239
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42939) - you deserved it (14531)

On 07/23/2014 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

#21212869
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69316) - you deserved it (5463)

On 07/18/2014 at 12:49pm - love - by someonepleasehelpme (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I left the house I'm staying at, not knowing that thunderstorms were forecast. I came back from work to find dog shit splattered all over the kitchen. Apparently the dogs I'm watching don't like thunder. FML

#21209155
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38665) - you deserved it (4937)

On 07/14/2014 at 6:48pm - animals - by Hiimhaileypotter (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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