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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

#3620845
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20011) - you deserved it (56581)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

Today, my coworker came over to my desk and told me that I should protect my Twitter updates, because I had unknowingly made them public. My tweets include drinking stories, all the men I've hooked up with, various cuss words, sexual innuendos, and how much I hate my coworkers. FML

#3531559
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7785) - you deserved it (78304)

On 07/06/2009 at 6:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my drunk boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to light a firework in the back seat of my car while we were driving down the interstate. FML

#3486397
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (6080)

On 07/04/2009 at 6:48pm - misc - by litup (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend decided to bribe me to be good since we were going out to dinner with her parents by giving me blowjob. The good news: it was one of the best she had ever given. The bad news: I came on her black dress. She responded by hitting in me in the nuts. Hard. FML

#3176908
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49782) - you deserved it (28747)

On 06/24/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by BadBribe (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

#3170547
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16676) - you deserved it (37022)

On 06/24/2009 at 10:34am - work - by Tottie (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my little nieces and nephews were about to have a water balloon fight. I was told to take pictures. They hit me. And my $600 camera. FML

Today, while on the road I saw a turtle in the middle of the other lane. I slammed on my brakes and got out, holding up and pissing off several drivers on both sides of the highway. Getting closer to the turtle, I realized that it was not a turtle at all, but a very large pile of dog shit. FML

#3136598
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17756) - you deserved it (41530)

On 06/23/2009 at 12:44am - animals - by Xtine (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went outside a friend's house to find that my car had been saran wrapped. I cleaned it up and went back inside the house. An hour later, I heard a doorbell ring so I went outside the house. They saran wrapped my car again. FML

#3017259
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42896) - you deserved it (5455)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by bear92 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was riding the bus home from the Verizon store after getting my brand new EnV Touch. I was taking pictures with it when I noticed a woman with very nice boobs. I zoomed in to get a better picture when she looked at me with a disgusted face. The external display was on. FML

#2997013
337 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7369) - you deserved it (92986)

On 06/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by heythurr234 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML

#2928893
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41801) - you deserved it (4279)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by yourmom (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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