FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

by eggnoodles / 12/13/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired because I skipped a week of work without calling nor telling anyone. His secretary forgot to tell him about my scheduled days off for anticipation for my daughter's birth. My boss had already hired someone else so he gave me his secretary's job. Wrong time for a pay decrease. FML

by solarecliptic / 12/08/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Virginia) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it snowed. So, a guy I like and I decided to go sledding. I really wanted to impress him by going down the hill and casually slowing down at the bottom right at his feet. Instead, I crashed into him and broke his ankle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2009 at 10:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard a loud crashing noise. I ran into the kitchen to see what it was. My cat had knocked over my fish bowl and had my Beta in her mouth. After scolding her and rescuing it, I decided to clean its bowl. When I went to dump some of the water in the sink, my fish went down the drain. FML

by Sassers / 12/03/2009 at 4:08pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while on the phone with a client at work, I was planning on saying either "Yeah." or "Uh-huh." Without thinking, I combined the two and ended up saying "Yee-hah," like a cowboy. FML

by Jen / 12/01/2009 at 12:25pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie where a girl proposed to a guy. He said "I would hate it if that happened to me, obviously I don't want to get married if I haven't proposed myself." I was planning on proposing later. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, I walked into a liquor store and thought about inquiring for a job application. After seeing the cashier, I thought about inquiring if she was single. After accidentally breaking three bottles of liquor, I didn't do either. I left the store, still single and unemployed. FML

by Cup_of___ / 11/26/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I agreed to buy my girlfriend a piggle for Christmas. The pig is miniature. The noise it makes is not. Oh, and I just found out it's not living with her, but with me. FML

by pigglepigglepiggle / 11/23/2009 at 9:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I got diagnosed with stomach ulcers. They are very painful, and I have been throwing up blood. On my latest trip to the toilet, I was heaving and the pain was making me beat the floor with my fist, the toilet lid decided to come crashing down on my head, giving me a minor concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 11/21/2009 at 11:12pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

by snapped / 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

by neuroticallyours / 11/12/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Virginia) / Love