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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

#4253042
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37453) - you deserved it (34383)

On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51213) - you deserved it (3451)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends had ditched me for a party I hadn't been invited to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in my house was the mosquito I nicknamed Fred. I liked to watch Fred fly around and try to suck my blood. 20 minutes later, I found Fred's dead body. I was actually sad. FML

#4158002
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55594) - you deserved it (16774)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:43am - animals - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML

#4157667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37919) - you deserved it (24850)

On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50814) - you deserved it (2949)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

#4061190
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33390) - you deserved it (2161)

On 07/26/2009 at 7:51pm - misc - by mvp (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking through a heavy door at work, so I reached behind me to catch it so it wouldn't slam shut. Little did I know that my boss was walking through right after me. Instead of catching the door, I caught a handful of his crotch. FML

#3982111
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44462) - you deserved it (4764)

On 07/23/2009 at 4:23pm - work - by bossgroper (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I left a note on the kitchen table saying to leave the door unlocked because I lost my key. I come home to find our house ransacked and robbed. Minutes later, I found my key. In my pocket. FML

#3929257
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11808) - you deserved it (54067)

On 07/21/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a serious allergic reaction to the food I ate at a Chinese restaurant that supposedly didn't contain peanuts. According to my waitress, peanut oil "doesn't count". FML

#3879305
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47467) - you deserved it (4081)

On 07/19/2009 at 11:12am - misc - by phlyingphuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

#3777907
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7877) - you deserved it (51013)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:17pm - work - by Alex - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49650) - you deserved it (2154)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting my neighbors kids for the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping around like a horse, oh, and a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

#3620845
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16200) - you deserved it (48747)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)



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