FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

by Fmylife.25 / 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

by whatthewoah / 09/02/2010 at 2:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

by teacher / 08/31/2010 at 10:50am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

by kinky / 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2010 at 11:03am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

by MandMandM / 07/19/2010 at 2:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

by Sarah220 / 07/12/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

by ladyhavery / 06/28/2010 at 9:28am / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

by Grace / 06/19/2010 at 8:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

by kebaby / 06/19/2010 at 7:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

by anonomus / 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

by twnty1 / 05/31/2010 at 11:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health