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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

#5858048
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15653) - you deserved it (3689)

On 10/16/2009 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

#5847643
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22698) - you deserved it (5797)

On 10/16/2009 at 12:47am - misc - by rugernut13 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a Biochemistry quiz. I studied all night but took a nap to get some rest because my quiz was in the morning. I woke up at 10 feeling very confident. My quiz was at 9. FML

#5841442
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13231) - you deserved it (25513)

On 10/15/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the grocery store. I saw a very cute guy in the aisle and smiled. He smiled back and blushed a little. He walked over and I flirted with him. He said, "I thought you should know the zipper on your jeans is down" and walked away. It was. FML

#5793907
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25175) - you deserved it (6127)

On 10/12/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked a girl I like to homecoming. I brought her to my house beforehand for dinner with my family. My brother asked her whether we were just friends or dating, she shouts "Just friends!" and then starts flirting with him with me in the room. FML

#5744040
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35351) - you deserved it (3299)

On 10/09/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Charon - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

#5715718
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27404) - you deserved it (7262)

On 10/08/2009 at 12:30am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got offered a ride to go home for the weekend. I go to college six hours away from home and haven't seen my family for almost two months. When I called my mom with the good news, she told me not to come. FML

#5611182
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32924) - you deserved it (2163)

On 10/02/2009 at 9:01pm - misc - by wowjuststop - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

#5525269
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42718) - you deserved it (2929)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:13am - kids - by justgreat (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was offered a position as a school crossing guard. I have a $200,000 degree in Economics from a top 20 University and was offered a position to hold a stop sign and wear a reflective vest. I was tempted to accept. FML

#5465384
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (6275)

On 09/25/2009 at 12:11pm - work - by UnemployedGrad (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I must find a gentle way to tell my 71-year-old mother that she's too old to be wearing shirts that expose her belly. FML

#5359755
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37519) - you deserved it (2584)

On 09/19/2009 at 9:22pm - misc - by elmalo68 (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that I had my first born child. It's a boy. I found out on facebook. FML

#5347133
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44830) - you deserved it (13913)

On 09/19/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by josh (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear ended them and then got rear ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

#5294180
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7097) - you deserved it (51581)

On 09/16/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Jennnn (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I am still coughing. I was diagnosed with whooping cough last week, which apparently cannot be treated. Basically, it appears I'm a 19th century English peasant. FML

#5286391
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35610) - you deserved it (3943)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:33am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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