FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I went to Walmart to get some acne cream. As I approached the register, I looked in my wallet for the money. The cashier saw that I didn't have enough money, and before I could say anything, he goes "Just take it, I've never seen anyone who needs it that much!" FML

by Taylor D / 08/07/2011 at 12:40am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally started doing cardio and getting in shape. What motivated me to do it? Watching a zombie movie. The slow ones bite the dust first. FML

by indierocklove / 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, my step dad stole over $400 worth of savings from me. He spent it on alcohol, fireworks, and a very large sombrero. FML

by _TaToRtOt_ / 07/18/2011 at 9:08am / United States (Virginia) / Money

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

by CatOwner / 07/11/2011 at 10:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 5:28pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

by Username / 07/01/2011 at 9:05am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my mother won't give me any painkillers for my migraine. She believes that "When medicine goes into your stomach, the acids stop the medicine from working" and that "It's all in people's heads when medicine works". FML

by Live02Dance / 06/25/2011 at 8:58am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

by hatemyjob / 06/23/2011 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

by NoRunning / 06/17/2011 at 3:15pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I asked to change my major at the college I'm transferring to in the fall. Instead of letting me change my major, they withdrew my acceptance. FML

by transfer / 06/03/2011 at 5:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML

by Imaman / 05/28/2011 at 12:09am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

by msjustine / 05/06/2011 at 3:27pm / United States (Virginia) / Love