FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, after telling my boss how I was looking at purchasing a motorcycle, she went on a rant complaining about how if I die, she'll have to train a new employee. Thanks boss. FML

by DmanTheMan / 03/18/2016 at 12:37am / United States (Virginia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I joined my boyfriend at a work conference out of state. One of the other conference-goers struck up a conversation and I obliged. Apparently, I was too nice. He followed me into the hotel lobby and openly watched me go back to my hotel room, making sure to count the room numbers. FML

by CreeptacularBait / 03/16/2016 at 5:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I paid $500 for a gym membership after moving into a brand new house, since 12 years of software development has taken its toll. When I told my instructor about my goal to lose 35lbs in two months, he simply said, "Yeah... That's not going to happen. Try another gym," and left promptly. FML

by samsterling / 03/13/2016 at 6:30pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML

by Mybrotherissatan / 03/10/2016 at 10:59am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, as a public defender, my client was actually innocent for once. I intended to utterly destroy the prosecution's case and demonstrate his good character. That plan went straight to hell when he showed up heavily intoxicated. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I had to attend a meeting with my parents, my teacher, and my bully and his parents. When we started, my bully "broke down" and "tearfully" told the teacher that I was the one bullying him, and that he was getting blamed to cover it all up. They believed him. FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2016 at 5:36pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at a big speech and debate tournament, I corrected the judge's use of the word "podium" instead of lectern, because that's what my debate coach had told me was the correct usage. Well, she didn't take it too well and neither did my partner. Or my debate coach. FML

by Judgeisalwaysright / 03/01/2016 at 3:57am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, some jackass decided that using the back of my car to slow down was easier than using his brakes. FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2016 at 11:54am / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

by :x / 02/03/2016 at 10:40am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was locked out of my house. With no other available option, I decided to try and ninja my way through a window. However, as it turns out, I would make a terrible ninja. I now have a sprained ankle and a broken window. FML

by valene5687 / 01/27/2016 at 12:20am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the hard way what the inside of my toe looks like. FML

by soni_miller / 01/26/2016 at 1:02am / United States (Virginia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after months of all my friends telling me that the guy whom I was in love with most definitely held feelings for me, I was finally convinced by their words, and with confidence I went and confessed my feelings to him. I was rejected. FML

by UniGrad2019 / 01/25/2016 at 11:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I was shovelling snow out of my driveway and broke my shovel. So I tried cleaning the driveway with a garbage lid. That broke too. Now I'm out snow shovel, AND a garbage lid. FML

by Snowman / 01/24/2016 at 5:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation