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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

#13947465
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8432) - you deserved it (57792)

On 11/23/2010 at 8:41am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

#13886918
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25888) - you deserved it (7236)

On 11/18/2010 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

#13881563
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34157) - you deserved it (17704)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

#13880762
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28356) - you deserved it (2617)

On 11/17/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

#13851970
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28041) - you deserved it (11623)

On 11/15/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

#13805619
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28300) - you deserved it (2597)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39233) - you deserved it (7010)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

#13777166
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20291) - you deserved it (5740)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:17pm - work - by drooooooool (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22412) - you deserved it (4164)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

#13715674
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34757) - you deserved it (2451)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by traumatized4life (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

#13219092
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20936) - you deserved it (12619)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11162) - you deserved it (34893)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

#12983300
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6172) - you deserved it (47025)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



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