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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

#10894032
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26872) - you deserved it (63945)

On 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by anonomus - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that I'm allergic to band-aids. I now have a band-aid shaped rash around a tiny cut on my leg. Oh the irony. FML

#10884107
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (3581)

On 05/31/2010 at 11:43am - health - by twnty1 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML

#10870072
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35490) - you deserved it (10159)

On 05/30/2010 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by lonelyandbored - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lectured my second-grade class to be more descriptive in their writing. I gave them an assignment to describe something in the classroom. I was grading their work later, and one student wrote, "My class is taught by a fat teacher with gray hair." FML

#10541725
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25800) - you deserved it (15903)

On 05/15/2010 at 3:47am - kids - by Teaching26 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

#9586084
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29379) - you deserved it (9387)

On 04/02/2010 at 8:31pm - animals - by BigBangrocksthenight (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister's boyfriend came over to the house. I thought I would be nice and cook them both a dinner along with my own. Mine took a little longer to cook, so they ate before me and went back to her bedroom. I ate alone to the sound of them having fun. FML

#9361174
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27313) - you deserved it (4073)

On 03/24/2010 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by lonelyniceguy (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after thinking I smelled the aroma of stale alcohol, I asked my husband, who is a recovering alcoholic, if he has been completely honest with me about all that he has been doing. Bracing myself to hear about his fall off the wagon, I instead heard a confession of adultery. FML

#9327043
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30811) - you deserved it (3944)

On 03/23/2010 at 10:51am - intimacy - by BadtoWorse (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I called my dad at his new wife's house to inform him I was all set to graduate from community college with my associates degree and that we needed to sit down and plan how to pay for the 4 year degree. To which he replied "all a girl needs is an associates degree". Thanks dad. FML

#9182520
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27544) - you deserved it (4239)

On 03/18/2010 at 8:20am - money - by Anna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

#9111190
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8039) - you deserved it (23698)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6342) - you deserved it (32868)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (11308)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36772) - you deserved it (3116)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple pages, I saw my uncle. FML

#8638968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39893) - you deserved it (2369)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by grossuncle (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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