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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

#9111190
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8014) - you deserved it (23630)

On 03/15/2010 at 7:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I learned not to jump off a stage if nobody is going to catch you. FML

#8941097
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6317) - you deserved it (32784)

On 03/09/2010 at 6:14am - health - by oww - United States (Virginia)

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20511) - you deserved it (11282)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML

#8642847
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36650) - you deserved it (3112)

On 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm - misc - by Ringless - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was bored at work looking at a sex offender list of my area. After a couple pages, I saw my uncle. FML

#8638968
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39783) - you deserved it (2366)

On 02/25/2010 at 12:44pm - intimacy - by grossuncle (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had my final economics exam, and needed to ace it, or else I would fail the entire module. After studying all day yesterday, and pulling an all-nighter today, I managed to pull it off and get a perfect score. Unfortunately, my teacher didn't believe that it was possible, and accused me of cheating. Now I may be thrown out of college. FML

#8617932
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (2567)

On 02/24/2010 at 4:28pm - misc - by koolkidx3 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling really stressed so I bought some nice stress relieving lotion. When I got home, I took it out of the bag and accidentally dropped it (not realizing it was made of glass). The bottle shattered into pieces and I even cut my finger on one piece. So much for relieving stress. FML

#8597104
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18302) - you deserved it (3914)

On 02/23/2010 at 7:56pm - health - by Stress (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

#8437472
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18494) - you deserved it (4789)

On 02/19/2010 at 7:03am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was pulling a car out of the shop where I work, when I tried to go over a small snow bank to park it. What I didn't realize was the snow had turned into solid ice, and it broke the front bumper cover. It's going to cost $1000 to fix it and I also had to call the owner. FML

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

#8317685
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22680) - you deserved it (5571)

On 02/15/2010 at 10:10pm - intimacy - by sadsexer23 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was standing at the top of the stairs petting my dog. The doorbell rang and my dog bolted down the stairs, tripping me. I fell down the whole flight of stairs backwards. Turns out the person at the door was my brother who had locked himself out. I almost died for no reason. FML

#8118993
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21897) - you deserved it (4456)

On 02/11/2010 at 1:14am - love - by sari14 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad tried to convince my mother to stay with him. "Think of all the great times we've had," he said and started naming off quite a few. Too bad none of them were about the three kids they had together, all were vacations. FML

Today, I was at one of the urinals in a bathroom. A chubby kid goes to the urinal next to mine and starts peeing violently. Apparently, he was peeing so violently that it splashed onto my legs the whole time. I've picked the wrong day to wear shorts. FML

#8038027
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24748) - you deserved it (2647)

On 02/09/2010 at 12:27am - misc - by wurtabang - United States (Virginia)



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