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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

#12983300
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5577) - you deserved it (44829)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

#12887247
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30323) - you deserved it (5478)

On 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by Fmylife.25 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

#12870608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (1848)

On 09/02/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by whatthewoah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32021) - you deserved it (7733)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

#12566146
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30602) - you deserved it (3491)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

#12316575
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29630) - you deserved it (33484)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

#12224799
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38451) - you deserved it (3266)

On 07/31/2010 at 11:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

#11977098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38775) - you deserved it (5627)

On 07/19/2010 at 2:38am - intimacy - by MandMandM (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to a pain on my eyelid. I stumbled into the bathroom to find a huge tick attached to the edge of my eyelid. My dad used tweezers to pull it off, only the head stuck. I had to go to the doctor and sit there for 15 minutes so she could pull the rest out. FML

#11821332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37914) - you deserved it (2827)

On 07/12/2010 at 12:31am - health - by Sarah220 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

#11515790
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20727) - you deserved it (43891)

On 06/28/2010 at 9:28am - work - by ladyhavery - United States (Virginia)

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

#11318182
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9373) - you deserved it (48489)

On 06/19/2010 at 8:40pm - health - by Grace (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband and I had sex for the first time because we pledged we wouldn't have sex until we were married. He's terrible. FML

#10894032
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26853) - you deserved it (63919)

On 05/31/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by anonomus - United States (Virginia)



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