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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38191) - you deserved it (6912)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

#13777166
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19998) - you deserved it (5702)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:17pm - work - by drooooooool (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after getting an expensive haircut, I showed it to my boyfriend. Instead of saying, "Wow, those bangs look great on you" he said, "Wow, you look really good when you don't show your forehead." FML

#13722404
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22105) - you deserved it (4135)

On 11/05/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

#13715674
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34407) - you deserved it (2435)

On 11/04/2010 at 3:32pm - intimacy - by traumatized4life (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I tried to get over my childhood phobia of syringes by donating blood. The phlebotomist hadn't even touched the needle before I started sobbing hysterically. They made me leave. FML

#13219092
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19518) - you deserved it (12127)

On 09/27/2010 at 3:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9987) - you deserved it (32961)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

#12983300
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5358) - you deserved it (44039)

On 09/09/2010 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got the haircut I've been wanting for ages. I then called my girlfriend of two years and asked what she would do if I got a haircut. She told me she would dump me and then invited me to her house for dinner. I'm scared to go. FML

#12887247
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30249) - you deserved it (5477)

On 09/03/2010 at 3:56pm - love - by Fmylife.25 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I went to the bookstore. While I was in line, I heard everyone talking about how a book cart had gotten loose and rolled down the parking lot into a car, smashing the front. It was my car. FML

#12870608
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24824) - you deserved it (1847)

On 09/02/2010 at 2:10pm - misc - by whatthewoah (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I heard two of my students having a conversation. One asked what state Arizona was in, and the other replied Canada. I teach sixth grade social studies and they weren't joking. FML

#12837057
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31953) - you deserved it (7730)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:50am - kids - by teacher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

#12566146
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30541) - you deserved it (3482)

On 08/16/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML

#12316575
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29581) - you deserved it (33421)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:24pm - intimacy - by kinky - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was meeting my husband's old friends at his 20 year high school reunion. He introduced me as his 'friend from work' to his ex girlfriend. FML

#12224799
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38391) - you deserved it (3261)

On 07/31/2010 at 11:03am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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