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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

#14848305
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (3391)

On 02/05/2011 at 2:16am - love - by sadman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69860) - you deserved it (6570)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31895) - you deserved it (4682)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

#14619610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29043) - you deserved it (5859)

On 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by No O-face (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

#14487466
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34234) - you deserved it (2060)

On 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

#14475422
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49758) - you deserved it (8518)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

#14371453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32281) - you deserved it (2221)

On 12/28/2010 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

#14151880
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (5004)

On 12/10/2010 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

#14090266
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5557) - you deserved it (59254)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

#13947465
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8389) - you deserved it (57535)

On 11/23/2010 at 8:41am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

#13886918
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24259) - you deserved it (7008)

On 11/18/2010 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

#13881563
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32839) - you deserved it (17146)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

#13880762
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28179) - you deserved it (2599)

On 11/17/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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