FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, while I was using my computer, my cat ran up to the power strip, looked me in the eyes, and hit the power switch, turning everything off. She does this quite often. FML

by stop it ninja / 10/14/2012 at 3:00am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML

by AFEmoWifey / 10/09/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Virginia) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

by Sara / 10/02/2012 at 11:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

by awks / 10/01/2012 at 8:50am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

by thatwas10yearsago / 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

by SadDad / 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

by disgusted / 09/18/2012 at 8:42pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

by Birdwatcher / 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I found out my friend swapped my girlfriend and probation officer's numbers in my phone. My girlfriend is wondering why I asked her permission to leave the country, and my probation officer said she can't wait to see me again. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

by thewhompingwillow / 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that if a guy you've been dating starts acting weird, there's probably a reason why. Like, perhaps, a wife and two kids. FML

by yonanon / 08/31/2012 at 8:02am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

by nolife / 08/29/2012 at 9:33pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML

by Alisha / 08/07/2012 at 2:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous