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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

#15229654
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13567) - you deserved it (41645)

On 03/07/2011 at 2:04pm - intimacy - by lolzboss - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to present a powerpoint in front of my class. When I was finished, no one clapped. On my way back to my seat, I slipped on a pencil and fell straight on my face. That's when everyone clapped. FML

#15121676
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34393) - you deserved it (4086)

On 02/26/2011 at 12:34am - misc - by Franigirl - United States (Virginia)

Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML

#15091616
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26948) - you deserved it (19768)

On 02/23/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by Elle (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

#14967692
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34275) - you deserved it (2842)

On 02/14/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Roxas (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was working on my art portfolio. I had drawn a self-portrait. When I was satisfied, I wanted to show my parents. They thought it was a drawing of a bear. FML

#14899477
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24375) - you deserved it (4623)

On 02/08/2011 at 7:30pm - misc - by nomoreart (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had a date with a girl I'd been seeing for about a month. When I got home, I saw her facebook status changed to "In a relationship". This made me kind of excited, until I realized it wasn't with me. FML

#14848305
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31094) - you deserved it (3385)

On 02/05/2011 at 2:16am - love - by sadman (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my 400 pound roommate brought home a 400 pound guy. Now there's 800 pounds of sex going on in the next room, and it sounds like the invasion of Normandy in there. FML

#14835077
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69761) - you deserved it (6565)

On 02/04/2011 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML

#14626510
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (4677)

On 01/18/2011 at 1:35pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend of over one and a half years told me he won't give me a hand job because "it's awfully wet down there," and he isn't "a fan of other people's bodily fluids." FML

#14619610
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28241) - you deserved it (5756)

On 01/17/2011 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by No O-face (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

#14487466
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34164) - you deserved it (2056)

On 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

#14475422
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49689) - you deserved it (8510)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

#14371453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32222) - you deserved it (2220)

On 12/28/2010 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

#14151880
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28730) - you deserved it (5001)

On 12/10/2010 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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