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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, a kid grabbed the receiver to my cochlear implant and ran off with it. I went to a security guard, and, if my lip reading was accurate, he said to "try and make it through the day without it". Without it, I can't hear anything. FML

#14487466
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32710) - you deserved it (1960)

On 01/06/2011 at 5:57pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML

#14475422
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46732) - you deserved it (8128)

On 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my brother thought it would be hilarious to put vinegar in my contact solution. I took my contacts out hours ago and my eyes still burn. FML

#14371453
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26653) - you deserved it (1634)

On 12/28/2010 at 4:47pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML

#14151880
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26150) - you deserved it (4686)

On 12/10/2010 at 8:05am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML

#14090266
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4063) - you deserved it (45719)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

#13947465
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7596) - you deserved it (54184)

On 11/23/2010 at 8:41am - work - by fired (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

#13886918
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21299) - you deserved it (6601)

On 11/18/2010 at 11:27am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

#13881563
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (16133)

On 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend likes to show his female co-workers his dick, by emailing them pictures of it. I found out when he included my email address in with theirs. FML

#13880762
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26117) - you deserved it (2451)

On 11/17/2010 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to show me a magic trick. He filled a bowl with wine, pushed it on top of the ceiling using a broom stick, and held it up there. He told me to hold it and left. Taking my hands off the broomstick would cause the bowl to fall on my expensive new suit. Eventually, it did. FML

#13851970
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24481) - you deserved it (10652)

On 11/15/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was outside eating my lunch when an old man pulled his pants down and took a dump on the sidewalk next to me. FML

#13805619
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24828) - you deserved it (2337)

On 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35236) - you deserved it (6548)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was taking medicine for my sinus problems and trying to write an essay. I got most of the way done, then unexpectedly fell asleep on my keyboard. When I woke up, my face was wet. I drowned my laptop in my drool. FML

#13777166
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16012) - you deserved it (4464)

On 11/09/2010 at 12:17pm - work - by drooooooool (man) - United States (Virginia)



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