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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

#21493785
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (8729)

On 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on the bus home from work when I felt something strange in my hair. I turned to look, and saw the old woman next to me sucking on the end of my hair. When she noticed me staring, she didn't stop but instead said, "So pretty. Can I have?" FML

Today, I got fired from my job a week before I started my new position in a different area of the company. My supervisor found out I was going to be making more money than her. FML

#21485734
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (1491)

On 10/29/2015 at 6:20am - work - by cpizzle12 - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dryer broke in the middle of drying my essential work clothes. This resulted in me wearing partially-dried pants to work today. As a nanny I have encountered diaper rashes before, just not on myself. FML

#21482372
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20855) - you deserved it (1636)

On 10/20/2015 at 10:02pm - health - by RedHatKat - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to bail my son out of jail, because he's a pansy and wouldn't last a night in there. His crime: pissing through the open windows of passing cars after losing a bet with his friends. I feel like if he gave me grandkids, they'd be born with half a brain. FML

#21481024
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (4041)

On 10/17/2015 at 7:41am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

#21480276
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24268) - you deserved it (2092)

On 10/15/2015 at 1:07am - work - by crb25453 - United States (Virginia)

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

#21475640
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19771) - you deserved it (7869)

On 10/03/2015 at 9:38am - misc - by xxx - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

#21475461
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16074) - you deserved it (21934)

On 10/02/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

#21472201
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28622) - you deserved it (5573)

On 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got fired from my nannying job because one of the mom's several boyfriends mentioned that he found me attractive. FML

Today, I told my nephew to be careful when crossing the street in front of a bus because it might eat him. We then watched as a bus slowed down and stopped in front of a group of people. When the bus moved away, all the people were gone. My nephew is terrified, and won't stop crying. FML

#21467423
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16243) - you deserved it (20787)

On 09/11/2015 at 8:32pm - kids - by busmonster - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked in on my mom, legs spread and changing her tampon, all while she was carrying on a conversation on the phone. FML

#21467305
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26032) - you deserved it (4174)

On 09/11/2015 at 2:40pm - intimacy - by lobotomy pls (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I parked my car, went to pay for my spot, and returned to my car only to find a parking violation ticket tucked under the windshield wipers. This all happened in less than a minute. FML

#21464737
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26093) - you deserved it (1865)

On 09/05/2015 at 12:26am - money - by occam's pube-razor (man) - United States (Virginia)



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