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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33227) - you deserved it (2643)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32853) - you deserved it (3391)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

#21322801
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37262) - you deserved it (2932)

On 12/23/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML

#21318154
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30375) - you deserved it (2508)

On 12/15/2014 at 8:23pm - misc - by period_probs (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was home alone when I heard the carbon-monoxide detector beeping. Panicking, I grabbed my dog, ran out of my house as fast as I could, and waited outside for 3 hours for my mom to get home. Turned out the detector was just out of batteries. FML

#21315834
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26601) - you deserved it (6714)

On 12/11/2014 at 9:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my mother has issued a 'Christmas Ultimatum'. The rest of us have exactly 2 days to "get some Christmas around here" or we will feel her wrath. FML

#21313942
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25297) - you deserved it (3916)

On 12/08/2014 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up with a swollen lump on my throat. It's extremely painful. My dad named it Gretchen and now talks about it as if it's a person. FML

#21311698
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27869) - you deserved it (2389)

On 12/04/2014 at 10:29pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I deleted a load of junk that was messing up my mother's computer. I don't know how I'm going to tell her I accidentally wiped out all of her wedding photos. FML

#21310063
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21374) - you deserved it (26920)

On 12/02/2014 at 12:02pm - misc - by not living happily ever after - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in a good mood for once and my professor looks at me and says, "I don't know what you ate for breakfast but you're really annoying today." FML

#21305482
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28545) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/24/2014 at 10:25pm - work - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I decided to check out a dating site, when I stumbled across my ex wife's profile. She'd had it for four out of the five years of our marriage. And no, it didn't rate us as a good match. FML

#21305183
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30870) - you deserved it (3252)

On 11/24/2014 at 1:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

#21300816
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32908) - you deserved it (5024)

On 11/17/2014 at 4:05pm - misc - by fatty - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML

#21282367
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34778) - you deserved it (7261)

On 10/21/2014 at 11:49am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a nurse asked my relationship status. I answered, "Married". She then asked if there was any possibility of me being pregnant. I hardly contained my snort, before responding, "No, you have to have sex for that." I'm not sure what's worse, the fact that it's true or her laughter. FML

#21275225
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38499) - you deserved it (5032)

On 10/10/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by bluevix (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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