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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML

#21365511
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27679) - you deserved it (2975)

On 02/28/2015 at 9:47pm - intimacy - by k8thagr8 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28006) - you deserved it (3749)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

#21353566
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37029) - you deserved it (2325)

On 02/10/2015 at 6:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, in an effort to avoid my school's strict no-gum policy as my teacher made a b-line to me, I swallowed it. By the time the teacher reached me, the gum was on my desk, as well as my breakfast, thanks to my overactive gag reflex. FML

#21350431
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23671) - you deserved it (14162)

On 02/05/2015 at 4:03pm - misc - by gumchuck (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I walked into my bathroom, only to find no toilet paper and a piece of shitty wallpaper in the bowl. FML

#21350250
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26018) - you deserved it (2356)

On 02/05/2015 at 10:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

#21350106
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39379) - you deserved it (5535)

On 02/05/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by DreamsDontComeTrue - United States (Virginia)

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

#21347895
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31232) - you deserved it (2288)

On 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm - health - by grossedout - United States (Virginia)

Today, as a volunteer tutor, I met up with a girl who needed help with calculus. When I introduced myself, she wrinkled up her face and said, "I'd hoped you'd be hotter." FML

#21344749
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27192) - you deserved it (1877)

On 01/26/2015 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I realized that while I've been the same minuscule height for the past five years, my feet won't stop growing. I'm 5 foot and a size 12. I look like a clown. FML

#21338417
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28387) - you deserved it (5761)

On 01/16/2015 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, at work, a 3-year-old threw an egg at me from his cart. I couldn't leave my register to clean my hair because it was too busy, so when the new manager came in, he wrote me up for "unkempt appearance." Now my new hire probation period is extended 30 days, and my nickname is "Egghead." FML

#21327516
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29920) - you deserved it (2178)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:38pm - work - by EggHead - United States (Virginia)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33202) - you deserved it (2640)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

#21323182
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32833) - you deserved it (3391)

On 12/24/2014 at 9:43am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend slept with my sister. "Accidentally", apparently. FML

#21322801
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37420) - you deserved it (2926)

On 12/23/2014 at 4:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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