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FMLs submitted from Virginia

Today, my mom decided to show me her new rape whistle. She kept blowing it every couple of minutes while we were stuck in traffic. FML

#21461377
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19282) - you deserved it (1257)

On 08/27/2015 at 3:52pm - misc - by PositiveElectron - United States (Virginia)

Today, even after explaining to my boyfriend that I was self conscious about my breasts because they're slightly misshaped, he still persisted with begging me for a tit pic, saying he would still see me as beautiful. I gave in and sent one. He responded with "LOL WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSSSEE." FML

#21459438
162 comments

Today, I woke up early for work. Had my coffee, finished up a report and headed out of my house. Not only was the office closed today, but the silent alarm was on, which is triggered by a door opening even if you use a key. I was startled by the cops searching the building, ran, and got tazed. FML

#21459236
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20085) - you deserved it (5787)

On 08/22/2015 at 8:21am - work - by BryanTazed - United States (Virginia)

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

#21457897
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24277) - you deserved it (2896)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:54am - intimacy - by lonelygal69 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad called to wish me a happy birthday. I said thank you but informed him that my birthday is tomorrow. He told me that I was wrong and screamed at me for 20 minutes. When I still wouldn't agree with him, he hung up and turned my phone service off. FML

Today, feeling very self-conscious about my looks, I told my mom I felt ugly and wished I could be as beautiful as her. She only said, "Yeah, I'm pretty, I wonder what happened to you." FML

#21452786
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25685) - you deserved it (2813)

On 08/06/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by ugly duckling - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to sit through an entire conversation where my sister and her boyfriend sent voice messages to one another, of their farts. FML

#21449629
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22300) - you deserved it (1979)

On 07/30/2015 at 6:04pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, the drive-thru lady at Taco Bell broke my debit card and tried to hide it by wrapping it in a receipt. FML

#21447771
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26180) - you deserved it (1442)

On 07/26/2015 at 11:00pm - money - by stonehengeva - United States (Virginia)

Today, when I woke up, my dog excitedly came up to me and licked my face. A few minutes later, I find out he had thrown up twice before he licked my face. FML

#21446038
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (2706)

On 07/23/2015 at 2:28pm - animals - by killjoyx - United States (Virginia)

Today, my friend let me borrow a pair of jeans. I found out I'm allergic to her laundry detergent when I broke out in a rash everywhere that the jeans touched. FML

#21437540
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21761) - you deserved it (1829)

On 07/06/2015 at 6:51pm - health - by sydmarie98 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my docile gerbil was startled by a car alarm. He dove into my tank top and bit straight through my nipple. FML

#21434340
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23915) - you deserved it (2279)

On 06/30/2015 at 12:02pm - animals - by piercednipple (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31790) - you deserved it (2304)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I keep getting calls from companies that I applied to for interviews. The thing is, I moved 1,000 miles away a week ago because I couldn't find a job. FML

#21431867
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25975) - you deserved it (3125)

On 06/25/2015 at 4:59pm - work - by missmolliss (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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