Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, a guy I had been casually seeing asked me to dinner. Thinking he could be wanting to make things serious, I got all dressed up. Turns out he got a girlfriend and just wanted to tell me in person to avoid things being awkward. We then waited in silence for our meal. FML

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66317) - you deserved it (7312)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

#21153496
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51124) - you deserved it (5338)

On 05/27/2014 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by "stealthily" whacking off. His entire desk was shaking in a silent room. FML

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend, who was driving down the highway with the windows down. All of a sudden, everything went black. A cattle truck had sped past, and I had been hit by cow faeces travelling at 110km an hour. My boyfriend was hysterical. None of it hit him. FML

#21127873
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52229) - you deserved it (4758)

On 05/01/2014 at 10:17am - animals - by Felicityfrank (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

#21110266
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43724) - you deserved it (3237)

On 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm - misc - by Cuntlette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my students all handed in their 1,000 word papers. The assignment was for them to write about a strong, benevolent leader who influenced the world. Around half of the papers were about Hitler. FML

#21102694
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (10085)

On 04/02/2014 at 7:30am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

#21101310
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41301) - you deserved it (3561)

On 03/31/2014 at 8:43pm - misc - by awks - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

#21095019
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (20811)

On 03/24/2014 at 8:39am - misc - by pantyripper (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

#21090670
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (3707)

On 03/19/2014 at 6:34am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

#21086220
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42990) - you deserved it (3884)

On 03/14/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my friends convinced me to go out clubbing with them for the first time. "You'll get some action", they said. The only action I got was some drunk bloke staggering into me and spraying me with vomit just minutes after arriving. FML

#21074902
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39624) - you deserved it (3922)

On 03/01/2014 at 12:23pm - misc - by thanks, cunt-o (man) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: