FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

by Ice cold / 11/22/2012 at 12:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

by iLuvsIt / 11/06/2012 at 4:32am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my boyfriend of two years proposed to me. It would have been great if he weren't drunk with a naked girl next to him. FML

by bigbum / 11/04/2012 at 4:50am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how wrong she is to be dating a married man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their first child. Our talk ended with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" and me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML

Today, after confronting my boyfriend about cheating on me, he confessed to everything. I was caught off guard by his honesty, but not nearly as caught off guard as I was when he eagerly questioned me on when our breakup sex will be. FML

by You're NOT getting lucky today hun / 10/12/2012 at 5:27am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML

by steve / 09/05/2012 at 4:14am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street when I had a coughing fit. The next thing I know I'm being pushed about by a group of guys who were smoking, because they thought I was coughing deliberately to send them a message about smoking being bad. FML

by Tyler / 09/03/2012 at 5:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, the man who tried to mug me sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

by Anonymous / 08/22/2012 at 2:01am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML

by bellsucker / 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML

by kerensa / 07/15/2012 at 1:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

by Nofriends / 07/09/2012 at 7:44am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my wife actually encourages my three year-old son to sleep in our bed, as a buffer against any romantic advances. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2012 at 7:50pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy