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FMLs submitted from Victoria

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

#21478533
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12082) - you deserved it (41919)

On 10/11/2015 at 7:45am - kids - by Hank-T4 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out my dad has been using the flip-flops I wear in the shower. The reason I wear them is to prevent myself from getting his nasty foot fungus. FML

#21476743
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23150) - you deserved it (1517)

On 10/06/2015 at 7:13am - health - by Lord Kane of Flatulon (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got confused and said grace before brushing my teeth. FML

#21473108
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21485) - you deserved it (5228)

On 09/26/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by oops - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out. And then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

#21466767
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23648) - you deserved it (2461)

On 09/10/2015 at 1:56am - misc - by Luke - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

#21461220
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21267) - you deserved it (1696)

On 08/27/2015 at 2:46am - misc - by philip708 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I bought some pricey lipstick for a date tonight. An hour after putting it on, my lips are so swollen, I look like a blow-up sex doll. FML

#21453135
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22367) - you deserved it (3148)

On 08/07/2015 at 12:36pm - health - by blow me (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love. It got hot and intense and we were really into it, until she blurted out, "Oh baby, rub your penis against mine". FML

Today, I was reading a picture storybook to a kindergarten kid. She could pronounce more words than me, and corrected me. I'm about triple her age. FML

#21445328
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15022) - you deserved it (25195)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:32am - kids - by thebiteof87 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I lost my virginity. The most memorable aspect of it wasn't the fact that my boyfriend finished after two thrusts, but rather the fact that he first said, "The pilot has entered the cockpit." FML

#21443446
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29794) - you deserved it (3408)

On 07/18/2015 at 7:09am - intimacy - by henhouse - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I sent my long-distance boyfriend a heartfelt message about how much I missed him. He sent me back a picture of a Minion. FML

#21442865
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26848) - you deserved it (3553)

On 07/17/2015 at 3:04am - love - by anon - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got fired, apparently for being racist to black people. When I told my boyfriend, he couldn't stop laughing. He's black. FML

#21442166
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32374) - you deserved it (3157)

On 07/15/2015 at 6:02pm - misc - by Razz - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my bosses were boasting about their work-funded retreat, including the $1,800 bottle of wine the company paid for. This would be fine if they hadn't just told me there are no funds to pay me for the work they've got me doing. We are also the biggest company in our industry. FML

#21440819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26328) - you deserved it (1789)

On 07/13/2015 at 1:06am - work - by Wolfrunner87 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, after coming home from an AFL match in Melbourne at about 11pm, I saw a woman asleep on the train as we neared the end of the line. Being a nice person, I went to wake her, to which she started screaming and trying to punch me. FML

#21439964
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23242) - you deserved it (2909)

On 07/11/2015 at 8:51am - misc - by anon - Australia (Victoria)



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