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FMLs submitted from Vermont

Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML

#4133351
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61291) - you deserved it (6534)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I received my new cell phone and activated my account. As part of the package, I get to choose five numbers that I can call without using any minutes. I could still only think of three numbers I call regularly: my parent's house, my mom's cell and my ex's cell. FML

#1318929
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43922) - you deserved it (12361)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

#1001341
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9842) - you deserved it (85186)

On 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm - misc - by ananomoose - United States (Vermont)

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

#873134
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68063) - you deserved it (3583)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML

#721846
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181448) - you deserved it (12280)

On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

#43092
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13844) - you deserved it (49144)

On 02/14/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by videochat (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found a bone in my sandwich. It was a veggie burger. FML

#36182
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41617) - you deserved it (6961)

On 02/13/2009 at 9:45am - misc - by veggiegal (woman) - United States (Vermont)



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