Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Vermont

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

#20146253
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5691) - you deserved it (28829)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by justcomesnaturally (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

#20143313
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27699) - you deserved it (2243)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28140) - you deserved it (2045)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

#19763294
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31306) - you deserved it (4938)

On 06/10/2012 at 12:13am - intimacy - by rachiej8 - United States (Vermont)

Today, I am sitting at home, alone, playing video games. My wedding is tomorrow afternoon. None of my bridesmaids wanted to hang out tonight. FML

#17211324
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45318) - you deserved it (4331)

On 07/22/2011 at 12:23am - love - by bridetobe (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

#17068940
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (22492)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:08pm - intimacy - by tony456 (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I attempted to bleach my body hair so I wouldn't have to shave. A little while later, I realized that I'd also succeeded in bleaching my skin, which was incredibly noticeable. I'm hosting a pool party this weekend. FML

#16817769
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9646) - you deserved it (43892)

On 06/23/2011 at 2:56pm - health - by run4fun (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32890) - you deserved it (20238)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I found out the hard way that you can get carpal tunnel from masturbating. FML

#15143494
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11805) - you deserved it (37027)

On 02/27/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nuttjacob (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told him that my stomach really hurt. His response? "Aw. That's just the baby dying." FML

#15109555
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45409) - you deserved it (19067)

On 02/25/2011 at 12:12am - intimacy - by greenchan (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend whom I'm crazy about broke up with me out of the blue. After pleading with her unsuccessfully, I called my mom for comfort and advice. She informed me that my dog had died. FML

#14461663
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39327) - you deserved it (2706)

On 01/04/2011 at 9:49am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

#14330687
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34544) - you deserved it (3931)

On 12/25/2010 at 2:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my boyfriend compared my boobs to a flat tire. FML

#12715856
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31766) - you deserved it (6555)

On 08/24/2010 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: