FMLs submitted from Utrecht

Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

by lovely / 12/19/2011 at 1:43am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML

by Isoldael / 11/07/2011 at 4:38am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML

Today, my husband, who's a recovering alcoholic, and I are on holiday with our kids. He's decided he can have a few drinks because he deserves "a holiday too". He doesn't see why this should ruin ours. FML

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to meet the girl he has been cheating on me with. He thinks it makes the cheating more understandable if I see how 'hot' she is. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2011 at 4:21pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I finally mustered the courage to tell my crush how I feel. He's a straight-A student and very nice in general. After I finished pouring my heart out, he stared at me for a bit and then said: "Nice rack." FML

by Dana / 05/10/2011 at 4:36am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2011 at 12:14pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, It was my birthday and my friends came to celebrate it. My parents thought it would be funny to give me a vibrator in front of everybody. FML

by AMIGODO / 02/12/2011 at 10:13am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to send a birthday card. I kindly asked my boss for an envelope, and she asked me to pay for it. I've been working for her as an intern for over a year now, without receiving any money for it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2010 at 7:19am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 10:24am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 4:30am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Intimacy

Today, when I took a nap on the couch, a spider crawled into my mouth. How do I know? My boyfriend filmed it and laughed. FML

by Whateversz / 07/24/2010 at 3:59pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Animals