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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, my girlfriend's family came over and I thought it would be fun to watch old family videos of when I was a kid. A few minutes into my 5th birthday party, I excused myself and went to grab some snacks for everyone. I returned to realize I had recorded porn over my family videos. FML

#5087899
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7795) - you deserved it (61696)

On 09/06/2009 at 7:15pm - misc - by Ex-girlfried (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my best friend who I've had serious feelings for for over a year decided to tell everyone that he hasn't gotten laid in almost 2 years. When I told him that he was lying, he responded with "No, I'm not. Who could I possibly have slept with?" We hooked up 6 months ago. 3 times. FML

#4993116
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22706) - you deserved it (3497)

On 09/02/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by sexytime (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

#4975904
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52585) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/01/2009 at 12:48pm - money - by adriana (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

#4826832
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32994) - you deserved it (16343)

On 08/26/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Raaar (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML

#4495233
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8259) - you deserved it (61176)

On 08/13/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by oldtexas (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

#3711192
368 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20108) - you deserved it (82163)

On 07/13/2009 at 5:17am - intimacy - by air (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML

#3648052
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24836) - you deserved it (65889)

On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

#3544165
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8613) - you deserved it (57904)

On 07/07/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by DMO (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML

#3515386
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14652) - you deserved it (52593)

On 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by smth (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

#3421405
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62026) - you deserved it (4408)

On 07/02/2009 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Ghostie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

#2523600
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50157) - you deserved it (2286)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:05am - work - by smidge (woman) - United States (Utah)



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