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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in their fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids are 4 and 2. FML

#3515386
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13227) - you deserved it (49800)

On 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by smth (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

#3421405
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59373) - you deserved it (4169)

On 07/02/2009 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Ghostie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

Today, I got a call from an ad agency offering me a job. I was so excited, because I've been looking for work for a few months now and really wanted to work for them. An hour later, they called apologizing, because they'd made a mistake and offered the job to the wrong person. FML

#2523600
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44314) - you deserved it (1872)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:05am - work - by smidge (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

#2513205
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51074) - you deserved it (29039)

On 06/01/2009 at 9:20pm - intimacy - by Bawo (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend was sick so I took her 5 year old daughter out to eat. Half-way through our "date" she asks me loudly "Can we go back to the car now and take our clothes off?" Apparently she meant her toy dog's clothes. Face burning, we left a half laughing/half glaring crowd behind. FML

#1962553
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38975) - you deserved it (2448)

On 05/15/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by BigBadTron (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, was my graduation from a prestigious university. In two days I start working at a hot dog stand. FML

#1312643
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54572) - you deserved it (12382)

On 04/25/2009 at 2:39am - work - by CollegeGrad (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was walking home from when I passed an old woman sitting on the curb of Walmart begging for change. I gave her my last dollar and felt good about it. Five minutes later I saw the same woman driving away in a car. I don't even own a car. FML

#1079791
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45880) - you deserved it (8149)

On 04/18/2009 at 4:19am - misc - by NotSteve - United States (Utah)

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

#1002619
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76006) - you deserved it (6145)

On 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I asked my girl friend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said was that good. She was serious. FML

#909616
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62079) - you deserved it (18231)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw my boyfriend for the last time for two years. When we got back from dinner, we sat in his truck for a little while to talk. A few minutes later, my mom comes flying out of my house screaming, "Satan is here, and he is tempting you!" That is the last memory he will have of me. FML

#458180
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73349) - you deserved it (3284)

On 03/19/2009 at 12:42am - love - by Fwick (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

#14357
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26910) - you deserved it (5596)

On 02/08/2009 at 12:39am - misc - by scatter00x (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to a birthday party at my girlfriends house. When her little brother was about to blow out the candles I slipped my hand into her sisters back pocket and squeeze her ass, thinking it was my girlfriend. She freaked out and now her family thinks I'm a pervert. FML

#2985
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5878) - you deserved it (25417)

On 01/28/2009 at 7:15am - love - by dieold - United States (Utah)



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