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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I woke up next to a woman nearly twice my age. I don't know how to tell her it was drunken sex and not the beginning of a relationship. But I have to come up with something soon as I work with her Monday. FML

#9799109
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10869) - you deserved it (38405)

On 04/11/2010 at 7:54am - intimacy - by John doe - United States (Utah)

Today, I started biting my nails, before I realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands after taking a massive dump. FML

#8973652
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4758) - you deserved it (54302)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:53pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was going to break up with my boyfriend for taking me for granted and being such a jerk. He didn't even show up for our date. FML

#8965394
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (4503)

On 03/10/2010 at 3:00am - love - by Maddy (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my roommate confronted me about my eating disorder. She described in length how emaciated my chest has become and how she wants to help. Except I don't have an eating disorder. My sternum is deformed and I have only recently become confident enough to wear low-cut tops. FML

#8940307
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33981) - you deserved it (2251)

On 03/09/2010 at 3:57am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, in math, I was working on an assignment and this really cute girl comes over and says my name. At this point, my heart is pumping with excitement and I'm thinking she is going to ask for my number. She said, "Did you know someone drew a penis on your back?" FML

#8433331
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25881) - you deserved it (3147)

On 02/19/2010 at 1:32am - misc - by GeneralElement (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

#7604167
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23789) - you deserved it (2820)

On 01/27/2010 at 12:25am - money - by boned (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49444) - you deserved it (3934)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, was my first day at my new job, which requires you to wear a special shirt. Come to find out, they only have medium sized shirts. I am an XL. They demanded I wear the shirt anyway. FML

#7390812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28836) - you deserved it (8527)

On 01/17/2010 at 12:37am - work - by mikey09 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

#7336661
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34804) - you deserved it (2727)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:57am - misc - by Lost (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to a park and sat down next to this older lady. These kids started to fight and scream at each other. I leaned next to her and said, "Man am I glad those aren't MY kids." She turned to me and said, "Yeah, they're mine." FML

#6813571
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7332) - you deserved it (28067)

On 12/18/2009 at 5:14pm - misc - by Sardine (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, while lying in bed with my wife, I asked her if she still loved me. Her reply "Sometimes". This I know is true because she instantly rolled over and farted on my leg. FML

#6802710
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27649) - you deserved it (4073)

On 12/17/2009 at 10:48pm - love - by yoked (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a moth trapped in a spider web. Feeling gracious, I gently freed it, and then took it to the window to let it out. When I opened the window to set him free, my $300 air conditioner fell two stories and smashed on the sidewalk. The moth flew away. FML

#6598965
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11918) - you deserved it (30936)

On 12/04/2009 at 12:23pm - animals - by oops (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to the bathroom and used the urinal. When I was done, I closed my zipper on my foreskin. FML

#6568411
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23917) - you deserved it (7634)

On 12/02/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by randm1 (man) - United States (Utah)



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