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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

#13574162
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32200) - you deserved it (2883)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:21am - misc - by mzgabbster (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

#13466592
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28159) - you deserved it (3524)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I have ever or would ever fake an orgasm. I assured him that I wouldn't, when he has actually never given me one. I didn't have the heart to tell him. FML

#13260698
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10497) - you deserved it (32650)

On 09/30/2010 at 5:56am - intimacy - by ohyaknow (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, and every day, a homeless looking man walks into my work, sits down and stares. I'm new to the job so, trying to make new friends, when the guy walked in this time, I went over to a co worker I was really clicking with, and went off about how creepy he was. He replied with "Who, my dad?" FML

#13260317
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9447) - you deserved it (28510)

On 09/30/2010 at 4:19am - work - by simply2010 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was on my third date with this really cute girl. After a very romantic evening, I decided to go for the first kiss, but because of my nervous reflex in which I get bloody noses, I ended up bleeding all over her face. FML

#12577034
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36884) - you deserved it (4415)

On 08/17/2010 at 3:10am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

#12411056
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26563) - you deserved it (2247)

On 08/09/2010 at 12:54pm - misc - by Scabs (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

#12376475
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39543) - you deserved it (2758)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

#12346670
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26394) - you deserved it (3577)

On 08/06/2010 at 3:07am - love - by rachaaaaeul - United States (Utah)

Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML

#11943305
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14741) - you deserved it (53073)

On 07/17/2010 at 2:23pm - misc - by knighton16 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend and I thought it'd be hot to have it off on the golf course once it was dark. Who would've thought that sprinklers start up once it's pitch dark. I got a lot wetter than I thought I would. FML

#11846185
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13731) - you deserved it (37234)

On 07/13/2010 at 4:31am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

#11377348
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43298) - you deserved it (3869)

On 06/22/2010 at 8:59am - love - by k.love - United States (Utah)

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

#11071289
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9474) - you deserved it (58271)

On 06/09/2010 at 12:41am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I saw a video of me from over the weekend, naked, pretending to be a duck. What the fuck happened that night? FML

#10748926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17791) - you deserved it (52016)

On 05/25/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by laurenraeee - United States (Utah)



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