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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20695) - you deserved it (52368)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19859) - you deserved it (32911)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (10455)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39768) - you deserved it (10972)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, at my wedding, my brother decided it would be funny to trip me as I was walking down the aisle, in front of hundreds of people. FML

#15395122
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53847) - you deserved it (4132)

On 03/20/2011 at 3:44am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

#15133415
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44594) - you deserved it (11786)

On 02/27/2011 at 12:18am - intimacy - by newlywed - United States (Utah)

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

#15098921
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18947) - you deserved it (20006)

On 02/24/2011 at 3:27am - misc - by Eric Forrest - United States (Utah)

Today, a police officer gave me a ticket for smoking. He told me that my parents would have to be contacted to come pick me up. My drunk dad came to the rescue, and almost hit the police car. Way to go dad. FML

#14945548
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22720) - you deserved it (16044)

On 02/12/2011 at 3:05am - misc - by savanna(: - United States (Utah)

Today, it was both my and my stepmother's birthday. In preparation, my dad bought a huge banner with my stepmother's name on it, and a lovely birthday cake. When I told him it was also my birthday, he just grunted and taped a post-it note to the banner with my name on it. Same with the cake. FML

#14853922
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37124) - you deserved it (2573)

On 02/05/2011 at 3:30pm - misc - by stinkerweeder (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

#14813410
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33664) - you deserved it (6812)

On 02/02/2011 at 3:59pm - intimacy - by jessica - United States (Utah)

Today, I was grounded for not agreeing with an article on dating my mom found in a very strict magazine. The article told parents to monitor phone calls, make rumors about their children cheating on people and not allow their children anywhere but home. FML

#14694705
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39302) - you deserved it (2715)

On 01/24/2011 at 2:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I got into a nasty fight, and ended up leaving with a black eye. The fight was with a champagne bottle cork. I was opening the bottle to celebrate the New Year, at home, alone. FML

#14415178
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27502) - you deserved it (5505)

On 12/31/2010 at 10:21pm - love - by haappynewyear - United States (Utah)

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

#14109694
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24182) - you deserved it (4572)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:50pm - animals - by Addicted2FML303 (woman) - United States (Utah)



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