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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML

#17988590
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32293) - you deserved it (2707)

On 10/15/2011 at 10:02am - health - by KilteDKilleR - United States (Utah)

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

#17931369
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25098) - you deserved it (3242)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

#17860948
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21650) - you deserved it (3681)

On 09/29/2011 at 1:01am - health - by random0605 - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Because she farted, and thought it was "too awkward". FML

#17649576
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35649) - you deserved it (3383)

On 09/03/2011 at 12:48am - love - by CHStennis_4 - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

#17480475
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (4719)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, at work, I told a lady checking out to sign her name after sliding her credit card. After she started signing her name, she threw the pen down in frustration saying that the pen was out of ink. We use electronic pin pads. FML

#17057819
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26393) - you deserved it (2373)

On 07/10/2011 at 9:13pm - work - by asianjoe (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my five year old daughter asked me what a divorce was. When I asked why she wanted to know, she replied with "Daddy wants one. He says you can have me." FML

#16508942
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62924) - you deserved it (3694)

On 06/05/2011 at 1:17am - love - by dumped - United States (Utah)

Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML

#16276951
502 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12166) - you deserved it (218865)

On 05/21/2011 at 2:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I gave a girl answers to a test. She said she would give me something pleasurable in return. She gave me a Twinkie, saying, "I know how much fat people love twinkies." FML

#16207509
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25516) - you deserved it (35014)

On 05/16/2011 at 3:34pm - misc - by pyroman1127 - United States (Utah)

Today, I accidentally pocket dialed my sister while I was masturbating. FML

#15791690
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20637) - you deserved it (52264)

On 04/15/2011 at 1:34am - intimacy - by fmyhabit - United States (Utah)

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

#15661118
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19800) - you deserved it (32843)

On 04/06/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by mottephobe - United States (Utah)

Today, I was cleaning my bathroom, and accidentally spilled bleach, ruining my shower curtain, rugs, and towels. While attempting to wipe up the bleach, I knocked over a bottle of shower cleaner. It read, "WARNING: DO NOT MIX WITH BLEACH." I still can't go in the house. FML

#15657358
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30208) - you deserved it (10270)

On 04/05/2011 at 9:52pm - misc - by troublewithbleach (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39669) - you deserved it (10956)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)



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