FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I gave feedback on how the store is run at the owners' request, because they don't understand why everyone keeps quitting. I guess they took it personally, because they asked me not to come back. FML

by outofajob / 01/01/2015 at 6:03pm / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, my ex boyfriend got married to the girl he told me was his sister. FML

by single / 12/24/2014 at 4:49pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

by pubemilkshake / 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

by AAnonymous / 11/05/2014 at 8:57am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, the only reason I work 12-hour shifts and close at midnight every Saturday is because my boss doesn't like the fact that I have a boyfriend. FML

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

by Lexi801 / 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

by Motha / 04/09/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

by IcyWindows / 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

by SarahNB / 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

by jill / 02/25/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

by kj1 / 02/17/2014 at 1:28pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

by not even getting any of her shrimp / 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm / United States (Utah) / Love