FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

by Alice / 08/30/2015 at 8:13am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2015 at 6:55pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, my roommates decided to do some experimental baking. To be supportive, I tried one of their creations. I've been alternating between vomiting and diarrhea for the past hour. My jaw is sore from vomiting, and I can barely muster the energy to flush between "switching sides" anymore. FML

by sendhelp / 08/03/2015 at 1:31am / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

by Anonymous / 07/26/2015 at 6:43pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my mom I was going hiking with a couple of friends and wouldn't be back for 4 or more hours. Not even 2 hours later, she called the cops and reported us as missing. She didn't realize that we wouldn't have service up the canyon so we could call her back. FML

by use your brain mother / 06/16/2015 at 1:47am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, my two managers, both over 30, were arguing over whether or not butter is a sauce. FML

by Goatczar / 04/29/2015 at 10:49am / United States (Utah) / Work

Today, while getting ice cream with a friend, her car got broken into. Nothing was taken except my backpack, which contained assignments making up 50% or more for grades in four separate classes. FML

by Caroline1812 / 04/24/2015 at 7:58pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my father a nice sweatshirt online, hoping he would take the hint and get it for me. He did, three sizes larger than mine, for himself. FML

by SkottLong / 03/10/2015 at 2:19am / United States (Utah) / Money

Today, I noticed my ex was feeling down. We ended things on good terms and I've been wanting to start things up again, so I figured I'd bring him dinner to cheer him up and maybe hang out. Looks like he and his one night stand get to eat my home cooked food while I go home to Netflix. FML

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

by Dartfrogger / 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, I learned that my mother has been telling people that I need anger management. I'm not attending anger management, I'm attending therapy to aid in my recovery from abusive relationships. She doesn't understand the difference or why I find it upsetting. FML

by thxmom / 01/04/2015 at 12:25pm / United States (Utah) / Health

Today, when my roommate asked me what was wrong, I told him that something I ate was making me feel sick. He works 10+ hours a day, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that the putrid smell of his feet was making me nauseous. FML

by jitterbug / 01/02/2015 at 12:36am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous