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FMLs submitted from Utah

Today, my boyfriend made me a milkshake. It was pale yellow with some black spots. He told me it was banana and poppy seed. After drinking it, he told me they weren't poppy seeds. They were his pubes. FML

#21313388
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35940) - you deserved it (4304)

On 12/07/2014 at 9:12pm - misc - by pubemilkshake - United States (Utah)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34013) - you deserved it (3306)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

#21270236
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (5136)

On 10/03/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, the only reason I work 12-hour shifts and close at midnight every Saturday is because my boss doesn't like the fact that I have a boyfriend. FML

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

#21260940
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39731) - you deserved it (2401)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:56pm - misc - by Lexi801 - United States (Utah)

Today, my obsession with saying "your mom" reached a new level when my anatomy teacher asked what I did with my pencil. FML

#21108224
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19460) - you deserved it (44943)

On 04/09/2014 at 1:17am - misc - by Motha - United States (Utah)

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

#21101388
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39684) - you deserved it (2729)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm - misc - by IcyWindows - United States (Utah)

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

#21075108
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37222) - you deserved it (14954)

On 03/01/2014 at 4:09pm - money - by SarahNB - United States (Utah)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

#21071183
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41826) - you deserved it (7457)

On 02/25/2014 at 11:59am - love - by jill (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

#21063397
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (6315)

On 02/17/2014 at 1:28pm - love - by kj1 (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45997) - you deserved it (6018)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I got the ending to Breaking Bad spoiled for me by a cashier while I was buying the final season box-set. FML

#20979412
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41369) - you deserved it (3770)

On 12/03/2013 at 2:45pm - misc - by nemesis5196523 (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
203 comments


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