FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 8:32am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I accidentally edged over the speed limit and got pulled over. The officer asked me if I knew why he'd pulled me over. Before I could say something diplomatic, my dad said from the passenger seat: "Because you're a prick in fancy dress?" I got ticketed. FML

by buttfingers / 12/26/2015 at 12:37pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I spent the holiday with my husband's big family. They suggested we take a family picture, but two people were purposely left out of it. I was one of them. FML

by leftout / 12/25/2015 at 12:51am / United States (Texas) / Holidays

Today, my family and I were going to my grandparents' for Christmas. As my car was totaled recently, I had to get a ride with them. They left without me in the time it took to put my shoes and socks on. FML

Today, I was listening to music on my phone and reading posts on here. I laughed hysterically at one, then noticed my parents shooting me outraged looks. Turned out I laughed while a news reporter was talking about a brutal rape that just happened in our city. FML

by for the whored / 12/18/2015 at 3:46pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my parents I was pregnant. They yelled at me until I started crying. I'm 31, married, and I have a good paying job. FML

by Anonymous / 12/17/2015 at 8:59pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband came home from a six-month business trip. When I saw him, I hugged and kissed him. My grandma started calling me a slutty whore, and told us we were a disgrace to our family, while trying to hit him with her cane. FML

by Anonymous / 12/15/2015 at 11:04pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I'm so sexually deprived that I got a raging hard-on from seeing and hearing my coworker yawn. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2015 at 3:24pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

by PerturbedStudent / 12/09/2015 at 6:42pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

by badbitch23 / 12/07/2015 at 6:21pm / United States (Texas) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my extremely religious grandmother disowned me for watching Supernatural. FML

by ygma / 12/01/2015 at 11:39am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

by Anonymous / 11/28/2015 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while shopping for Black Friday, I got in line, hoping to get an Xbox One. I spent so long mistakenly standing in line for the bathroom that the store had sold out by the time I realized my mistake. FML

by nitemastr15 / 11/27/2015 at 7:18pm / United States (Texas) / Money