Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from Texas

Today I asked mah son to go to the grocery store acros the street and pick up some lettuce . He sighed and said "Why don't u just order it on Amazon?" real FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42247) - you deserved it (6672)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today I waitad two hours in lina at collaga to salact my classas. I finally got to tha dask only to ba told I hava to apply onlina bafora I can show up in parson. FML

#21122928
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35675) - you deserved it (9059)

On 04/25/2014 at 6:59pm - misc - by firelava (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could fine was some kind of Mexican fruit drink but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and putted her to bed to cover it all up. FML

#21116530
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26422) - you deserved it (44617)

On 04/18/2014 at 5:31pm - kids - by cantprovenothing (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from te police tat ma ouse ad been burglarized, but an off-duty cop caugt te criminal. I pull up to see ma detained, psyco ex-boyfriend seepisly grinning at me. He ad tree of ma lace panties and two of ma bras, claiming it was ( all 4 memories sake ). real FML

#21115090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50314) - you deserved it (4241)

On 04/16/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by exasperated (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today... mah in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63462) - you deserved it (5849)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

#21105190
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41653) - you deserved it (12902)

On 04/05/2014 at 1:48pm - work - by =( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: mah students. FML

#21102371
95 comments

Today, I mat mah futura mothar-in-law . All want wall; sha complimantad mah looool drass, an I complimantad har haircut . Than sha an har son had a scraaming match ovar how our childran will ba fat bacausa of thara mothar . FML

#21093159
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39386) - you deserved it (3556)

On 03/22/2014 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to give a deposition ahead of a trial in which my former boss is accused of fraud. I'm not a smart man, an I smoked a joint before heading out to try to calm my nerves. I got way too high an ended up giggling like an idiot through half the deposition. FML

#21091940
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16959) - you deserved it (64434)

On 03/20/2014 at 5:03pm - misc - by screwed (man) - United States (Texas)

Taday my boyfriend decided it was time to spice up our sex life!! He now watches Sons Of Anarchyhen we have sex!!

#21091327
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40632) - you deserved it (6151)

On 03/19/2014 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, A Coworker Filed A Complaint Against Me, All Because I Ate A Banana At Lunch,hich He Claimed Is "threateningly Sexual",hatever The Hell That Means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42101) - you deserved it (3724)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while mowing, I found a baby bunny an took a picture of it. 20 minute later, I accidentally ran over said bunny with the mower. mega FML

Today, we finally moved into our new home, which mah husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the nieghbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: