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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39135) - you deserved it (21748)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out who's been stealing clothes from me during swim practice. She called me a liar, despite wearing one of my sweaters, which has my initials stitched into it. FML

#20980543
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43144) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I'm not getting paid 400$ per month because I failed my Russian language proficiency test. Russian is my first language. FML

#20980385
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36654) - you deserved it (14985)

On 12/04/2013 at 11:24am - work - by russianfail - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to an ATM to see how much money I had in my account. I put the card in. It never gave it back. FML

#20980160
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43480) - you deserved it (3640)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Broke - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to explain to my daughter that just because it says non-toxic on the crayons, it doesn't mean that you should eat them. She's 16. FML

#20977509
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42864) - you deserved it (5356)

On 12/01/2013 at 9:50pm - kids - by no she wasn't high - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother in-law made dessert. It was a beautiful chocolate cake, chocolate cookies, and every other thing had chocolate in it. I'm deathly allergic to chocolate and she knows this. FML

#20975692
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47186) - you deserved it (3308)

On 11/30/2013 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my family and I finished moving to Texas. As if that isn't bad enough, I'll have to introduce myself all over again to everyone I meet and explain that yes, my parents really did name me Lilypad. FML

#20973574
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46060) - you deserved it (3807)

On 11/28/2013 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

#20970954
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40417) - you deserved it (4457)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by Thanks guys - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my wedding ring had fallen off while doing yard work the previous day. Luckily, I only worked in a few areas, so I had high hopes of finding it. That is until a storm came through, blew half a foot of leaves all over the property, and then froze them with sleet. FML

Today, I realized I need to start hitting the gym, when my boyfriend actually utilized my love handles during sex. FML

Today, I got my dad to fill in a questionnaire my teacher handed out on Friday. One question said "I would like to see my son/daughter ______." My dad wrote in the blank: "less often." FML

#20961005
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47457) - you deserved it (4113)

On 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm - kids - by :( (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

#20958917
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40204) - you deserved it (3094)

On 11/15/2013 at 5:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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