Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7631) - you deserved it (28343)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25550) - you deserved it (6301)
On 05/26/2012 at 3:15am - intimacy - by ilovemymomma - United States (Texas)
Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17949) - you deserved it (1371)
On 05/24/2012 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)
I agree, your life sucks (16500) - you deserved it (5015)
On 05/24/2012 at 12:59am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my colleague yet again misused the word "literally." It's driving me insane. I have to work opposite him and hear him say things like he's just "literally shit himself inside out." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14487) - you deserved it (3346)
On 05/21/2012 at 10:11am - work - by Rebecca (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML
I agree, your life sucks (14149) - you deserved it (5563)
On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)
Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18704) - you deserved it (1199)
On 05/17/2012 at 5:54pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I finally got the chance to meet this wonderful guy I met on a dating site. She was very excited to see me, too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18254) - you deserved it (3685)
On 05/16/2012 at 1:02pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my fiancé got drunk at our wedding reception and announced to his and my family what we do in bed. And it was pretty detailed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20934) - you deserved it (2988)
On 05/12/2012 at 1:27am - intimacy - by crazyman. - United States (Texas)
Today, I took a picture in front of my bathroom mirror and posted it on Facebook. When I checked it later, it had 20 comments on the picture. I was feeling good until I read the comments and looked at the picture again. I left my vibrator on the the bathroom counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8412) - you deserved it (49774)
On 05/12/2012 at 12:24am - intimacy - by Hunter101 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend gave birth to our first child. Our nurse was the lady I had a one night stand with 3 nights ago, and yes she remembered me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7774) - you deserved it (116811)
On 05/06/2012 at 9:44pm - intimacy - by T3STI (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14171) - you deserved it (3222)
On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5171) - you deserved it (19012)
On 05/06/2012 at 3:38am - misc - by penguindude82 - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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