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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

#260115
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59052) - you deserved it (18419)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:53am - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14468) - you deserved it (101695)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58937) - you deserved it (4409)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

#240683
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45490) - you deserved it (9369)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96408) - you deserved it (19052)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50796) - you deserved it (8958)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17812) - you deserved it (50124)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82390) - you deserved it (20465)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21099) - you deserved it (46458)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

#113943
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61019) - you deserved it (21108)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

#97434
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14903) - you deserved it (61931)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

#94383
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9964) - you deserved it (52270)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)



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