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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

#593767
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72068) - you deserved it (4406)

On 03/25/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by regiftee (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62401) - you deserved it (6649)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went over to surprise my girlfriend of two years with flowers and dinner at her apartment. After I knocked, a handsome young man answered the door. Thinking I had the wrong apartment, I apologized, only to hear my girlfriend's voice call from the background, "Baby, who's there?" FML

#504108
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (147602) - you deserved it (7129)

On 03/21/2009 at 1:33am - intimacy - by willywonks (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I started Lifeguard Training and we had the fitness test you had to pass to continue. I work out everyday and I start on our football team. It's spring break and i've worked everyday (construction). I'm fit. Time comes to take the test, I finished last, beat by a 44 year old woman. FML

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise 'moving in' party. FML

#495382
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60876) - you deserved it (4216)

On 03/20/2009 at 7:34pm - misc - by TrailerTrash (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got the courage to ask my mom if I could go to the movies alone on my first date with my new boyfriend. She said ok, which was surprising because she never lets me go anywhere alone. When I got to the theatre with him I saw my mom. She had saved seats for us. FML

#474818
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69290) - you deserved it (4024)

On 03/19/2009 at 8:07pm - misc - by shelteredchild (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML

#459925
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82303) - you deserved it (15055)

On 03/19/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by Zoe123 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was curling my eyelashes in my bathroom and while I was counting to 5 my brother flung open my door. I jumped and ended up ripping out all my eyelashes. Now I have to wait until they grow back. FML

#319307
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79383) - you deserved it (8255)

On 03/14/2009 at 10:55am - misc - by CPN (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I came back from a hike to see my trailer rocking, as well as some strange but obvious noises coming from it. I went camping alone. Two strangers were in my camper having sex. FML

#315595
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (132815) - you deserved it (10268)

On 03/14/2009 at 1:08am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a text message. My phone was sitting on the edge of the bed and set on vibrate, so it fell off. I reached down to grab my phone and fell off the bed. My macbook landed on top of me. I fractured my arm and broke my laptop to read a text from facebook. FML

#279648
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54869) - you deserved it (18992)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:06am - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

#267564
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63205) - you deserved it (8256)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

#261901
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70376) - you deserved it (21899)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by musicaddict (woman) - United States (Texas)



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