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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94838) - you deserved it (18600)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49962) - you deserved it (8831)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17764) - you deserved it (50093)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82160) - you deserved it (20436)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21047) - you deserved it (46354)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

#113943
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60894) - you deserved it (21069)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

#97434
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14335) - you deserved it (60272)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

#94383
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9673) - you deserved it (51291)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:34am - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

#93676
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81002) - you deserved it (7349)

On 02/21/2009 at 12:41am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after I got home from school I went to my room to find the maid had cleaned it, also to find a bag labeled "trash" it was all the sketches and paintings I had done in art class, which is my major plan for college. FML

#90322
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42566) - you deserved it (3937)

On 02/20/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by Photos - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

#69948
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50921) - you deserved it (20838)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm - intimacy - by sadguy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

#66858
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56609) - you deserved it (4751)

On 02/18/2009 at 4:16am - misc - by w_t_f (woman) - United States (Texas)



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