FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I went to see the cast list for the new musical I'm in. I didn't get the part I wanted, and instead I got the part of one of the suitors. Interestingly, they made me the suitor to my ex. And the guy she leaves me for at the end of the musical is the guy she left me for in real life. FML

by Indoraptor / 11/14/2009 at 7:59am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I learned I have over $10,000 in debt, despite never owning a credit card. Apparently, my ex-roommate had been replying to the credit card offers I was receiving in the mail. That also explains my missing driver's license a few months back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/13/2009 at 5:29pm / United States (Texas) / Money

Today, I was shopping with my baby daughter when an older woman came up to me. She glared and said, "You know, if you kids learned how to keep your legs closed, you wouldn't be a mother at 16." I'm 25. FML

by notateen / 11/13/2009 at 3:26pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I had a minor outpatient procedure that required sedation. I am not supposed to drive or even be alone for 24 hours. My husband wouldn't take the day off to go with me, and instead of coming home from work, he is at the bar with his coworkers. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2009 at 8:54pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a bee flew in my car so I swerved off the road and hit a mailbox. It was a metal keg filled with cement buried in the ground. Taking my father's advice I fled the scene. Later my mailman knocked on my door holding part of my bumper. He said "Excuse me, I think you hit my mailbox this morning." FML

by Sybil90 / 11/11/2009 at 8:03am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

by carsuck / 11/11/2009 at 12:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing ball with my student during recess. My first attempt at throwing the ball hit him in the head. My second attempt hit him in the crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I nearly sliced my nipple off while shaving my chest and had to go to the ER. Turns out it was a teaching hospital so I got to explain in front of two doctors and eight med students how, even though I'm a woman, my nipples are so hairy I have to shave them. FML

by HairyBoobs / 11/05/2009 at 9:22am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML

by scumbag / 11/05/2009 at 5:12am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I am partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 7 year old brother decided that it would be fun to cut off my hair. I woke from a long nap after working the late shift, to about 15 inches of my long blonde hair all over my bed and floor. I now have bloody bald spots and really choppy hair about 3 inches long. He got away with it. FML

by baldygirl / 11/02/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I am not allowed to have any of my candy because of my sister's weight problem. FML

Today, I received a 4 page text message from my mom explaining what she was going to do to me tonight in full detail. I am one name below her boyfriend on her contact list. FML

by Nomoretexting / 11/01/2009 at 12:35am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy