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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was walking to school and decided to be a good citizen by picking up a beer can on the sidewalk. I then walked on to my school's campus where I then got suspended by my dean for "trying to rebel", grounded by my parents for getting suspended, and an MIP from the school's police guard. FML

#267564
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63077) - you deserved it (8239)

On 03/11/2009 at 1:04am - misc - by fmlmylife - United States (Texas)

Today, the cute boy in my biology class I had been crushing on invited me over to study for a huge test. Once I got to his house, I really had to use the bathroom. I ended ending up taking a huge dump and clogging up his toilet. He had to come plunge it for me. FML

#261901
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70227) - you deserved it (21867)

On 03/10/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by musicaddict (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I stretched out my wedding dress on my bed so it could air out before the big day tomorrow. Later I returned to my room only to find my cat on my wedding dress, it peed on it. FML

#260115
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58014) - you deserved it (18036)

On 03/10/2009 at 11:53am - animals - by Noname (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14000) - you deserved it (99777)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)

Today, someone stole my phone at a concert. They decided it would be funny to text my mom saying I was pregnant. FML

#242158
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58804) - you deserved it (4403)

On 03/08/2009 at 2:10pm - misc - by kelsey (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was looking at some comments on a silly YouTube video of me dancing with some friends. Someone posted a comment saying "Girl on the right is hot!!!." Next to that, it had about 31 thumbs down. I'm the girl on the right. FML

#240683
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44446) - you deserved it (9220)

On 03/08/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by Ugly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

#234028
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94801) - you deserved it (18595)

On 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm - misc - by Cody (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

#179475
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49932) - you deserved it (8830)

On 03/02/2009 at 12:52am - kids - by alejita (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to go get a haircut and I asked how much it was for a haircut, shampoo, and a blow job. I meant to say blow dry. FML

#145421
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17760) - you deserved it (50078)

On 02/26/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by Stixchop (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my guy friend and I were in his dorm room watching a movie when he started kissing me. Things heated up so we moved things over to his bed. He was on me when a hand shoots down from his top bunk. His roommate had been up there the whole time and he wanted a high-five. So they high-fived. FML

#125499
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82126) - you deserved it (20436)

On 02/24/2009 at 6:32pm - intimacy - by Menareidiots (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

#115273
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21039) - you deserved it (46329)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm - misc - by catfish - United States (Texas)

Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML

#113943
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60873) - you deserved it (21064)

On 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by NeverGonnaGetAny (woman) - United States (Texas)



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