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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I got fired from a large oil and energy service company after 5 and 1/2 months. The interview process to land the job took 8 months. My interview process was longer than my job. FML

#2884075
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36182) - you deserved it (3763)

On 06/14/2009 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

#2853561
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49399) - you deserved it (3194)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:15am - love - by e.middlechild (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

#2833526
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62684) - you deserved it (4790)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
833 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32762) - you deserved it (307625)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16104) - you deserved it (38958)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21554) - you deserved it (56440)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

#2672288
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24555) - you deserved it (39842)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by fml_seriouslyfml (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9866) - you deserved it (77139)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

#2619681
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40087) - you deserved it (7505)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

#2590991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41637) - you deserved it (17845)

On 06/04/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by ether10 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60380) - you deserved it (25824)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

#2555277
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48553) - you deserved it (4909)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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