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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I went and got a spray on tan. I forgot to push the hair cap up. A few hours later, I was completely tan, except for the top half of my forehead was pasty white. It will last for five days. FML

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

#774654
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10111) - you deserved it (83577)

On 04/02/2009 at 10:12pm - work - by Zak (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as an April fools day joke, I decided to tell my mom and dad that I was gay. After an awkward silence, my mom looks at me, smiles, and says, "well, we have known for a while." She wasn't joking. FML

#740142
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (57558)

On 04/01/2009 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12452) - you deserved it (65090)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to go to my son's school for career day, I explained what a banker does and then I asked if anyone had a question, one boy raised his hand and asked "When are all the cool parents gonna come?" FML

#695731
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52672) - you deserved it (5742)

On 03/30/2009 at 12:39am - work - by Blah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I heard a little girl saying how much she didnt want braces to her mom because they hurt and make people look ugly. I looked at her and said, "Aww, there not that bad. See, I have them!" I then smiled to show her. She turned to her mom and said, "See!" then started to cry. FML

#673025
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52265) - you deserved it (9534)

On 03/29/2009 at 12:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got an email from a professor saying he was going to fail me for missing the alloted absences, which is school policy. I pointed out I was in the hospital for two weeks with a life threatening illness and that he even came to visit me. He told me "rules are rules." FML

#657001
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (137433) - you deserved it (6204)

On 03/28/2009 at 2:35am - health - by hospitalflunky (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, me and my girlfriend went to the club. The song "Single Ladies" by Beyonce came on; the DJ came on the mic and said "Single ladies raise your hands!" My girlfriend raised her hand. FML

#654050
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60023) - you deserved it (6562)

On 03/27/2009 at 11:40pm - love - by dumpedattheclub (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was fired from a managerial position I've held for two years due to "inappropriate relations with a subordinate": I was dating a coworker. My girlfriend then broke up with me four hours later. Because I no longer had a job. I hired her. FML

#641288
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55329) - you deserved it (11681)

On 03/27/2009 at 10:47am - work - by mjohnston (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

#619804
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58987) - you deserved it (9310)

On 03/26/2009 at 10:54am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my watch broke so I casually mentioned to my dad that I needed a new one. A little while later he hands me this really nice watch. He says, "Here, this one's been lying around for a while". It was the watch I gave him for Father's Day. FML

#593767
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71903) - you deserved it (4402)

On 03/25/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by regiftee (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little 7 year old brother asked me what horny meant whilst in the car with my parents. When I wouldn't tell him what it meant he screamed, "I'm getting horny!" at the top of his lungs, and told my parents that I told him to say it. FML

#525590
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61057) - you deserved it (6531)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)



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