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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

#2097800
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41494) - you deserved it (9344)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:17pm - animals - by Debra2005 - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47671) - you deserved it (9752)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28854) - you deserved it (85927)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11290) - you deserved it (52183)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48727) - you deserved it (3176)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized that the only human being I have talked to in the last three days is the guy at the drive thru. FML

#1933415
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41745) - you deserved it (14839)

On 05/14/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by shrimp41 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I drove home in my brand new car, hoping to surprise my girlfriend. She came out the house laughing, saying how funny it was, and how I look like a "twollop" in it. Then in all seriousness, she asked me when I was getting my "actual car" back from the garage. FML

#1922061
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36399) - you deserved it (4615)

On 05/14/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Badnewca (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 3-year-old said, "Mommy, I can share my teddy grahams with you." I said, "Thanks, honey, you're so sweet." And I ate a few. When I popped the last one in my mouth, I said, "Oh no, all gone!" She said, "That's okay, I have more." Then pulled the next handful out of her underwear. FML

#1918683
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58343) - you deserved it (6931)

On 05/13/2009 at 9:45pm - kids - by chelserusera (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

#1893907
353 comments

I agree, your life sucks (83832) - you deserved it (4608)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML

#1864532
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56759) - you deserved it (2779)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by TheJoker (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42297) - you deserved it (2627)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

#1800001
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17193) - you deserved it (47463)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by torchy (woman) - United States (Texas)



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