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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

#2397904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38720) - you deserved it (4010)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

#2384944
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39911) - you deserved it (3602)

On 05/28/2009 at 8:13pm - money - by xxteenhearts (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

#2267946
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84112) - you deserved it (4799)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:54am - intimacy - by ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

#2267588
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55690) - you deserved it (6175)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - animals - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32328) - you deserved it (12457)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42963) - you deserved it (13794)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18660) - you deserved it (88117)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

#2097800
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41468) - you deserved it (9344)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:17pm - animals - by Debra2005 - United States (Texas)

Today, while I was waitressing, I bent down to pick up a menu and accidentally farted, really loud, at my table. FML

#2037920
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47652) - you deserved it (9748)

On 05/18/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by oops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28840) - you deserved it (85897)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while biking I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

#1982205
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10894) - you deserved it (51437)

On 05/16/2009 at 2:44pm - misc - by Pokerking98 - United States (Texas)

Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML

#1979778
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48688) - you deserved it (3174)

On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)



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