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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21506) - you deserved it (56395)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

#2672288
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24327) - you deserved it (39574)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by fml_seriouslyfml (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9852) - you deserved it (77039)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

#2619681
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40018) - you deserved it (7500)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

#2590991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41561) - you deserved it (17827)

On 06/04/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by ether10 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60327) - you deserved it (25811)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

#2555277
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48443) - you deserved it (4903)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

#2491424
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41266) - you deserved it (10321)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:55am - love - by thanksbaby (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

#2449996
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41309) - you deserved it (18880)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

#2397904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38766) - you deserved it (4013)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

#2384944
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39969) - you deserved it (3604)

On 05/28/2009 at 8:13pm - money - by xxteenhearts (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

#2267946
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84208) - you deserved it (4803)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:54am - intimacy - by ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass (woman) - United States (Texas)



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