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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59214) - you deserved it (25361)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

#2555277
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48415) - you deserved it (4903)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

#2491424
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41236) - you deserved it (10316)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:55am - love - by thanksbaby (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

#2449996
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41276) - you deserved it (18874)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my friend paypal'd me some money to tide me over until my school loans come through. For a transaction description, he wrote "to get back in that pussy game." It got red flagged, and I had to talk with three female customer service agents before it went through. FML

#2397904
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38739) - you deserved it (4010)

On 05/29/2009 at 9:15am - money - by Jordan (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I seemingly misplaced my cell phone but didn't have time to look for it before work. This evening, my cell phone company calls me to tell me I have six hundred dollars worth of calls to El Salvador that I have to pay for. My cell phone was not misplaced, it was stolen. FML

#2384944
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39942) - you deserved it (3602)

On 05/28/2009 at 8:13pm - money - by xxteenhearts (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for 3 hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

#2267946
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84154) - you deserved it (4801)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:54am - intimacy - by ITSnotFUNNYtoMEass (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

#2267588
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55711) - you deserved it (6177)

On 05/25/2009 at 4:33am - animals - by jackelking (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was running outside. On the last mile I am along side some fields. While running along the side of the road I glanced down and saw a snake. I was so startled I jumped left in front of a car screaming like a girl. The snake was dead. FML

#2176338
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32362) - you deserved it (12458)

On 05/22/2009 at 10:08am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

#2110386
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43002) - you deserved it (13797)

On 05/20/2009 at 11:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after a long night of cramming for an extensive Anatomy final (detailed diagrams included), I check the senior final schedule to find that Anatomy is not till tomorrow, but I take Calculus in 10 minutes. This is followed by an e-mail from my teacher saying I can exempt Anatomy. FML

#2108783
100 comments

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

#2103981
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18685) - you deserved it (88159)

On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)



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