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FMLs submitted from Texas

Today, I woke up feeling like shit after I had spent the whole night taking care of my sick boyfriend. He got up early, feeling great, bouncing around the house. When I finally got up I told him I didn't feel well and he yelled at me for being a bitch in the morning that slows him down. FML

#2833526
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62521) - you deserved it (4783)

On 06/12/2009 at 4:04pm - love - by adderallgirl (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

#2804463
821 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32557) - you deserved it (299923)

On 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by ouchers (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

#2775360
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16026) - you deserved it (38853)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21472) - you deserved it (56346)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I left my wallet on top of my car when I filled up with gas. I drove away and didn't realize it until I got home. I went back and found it on the side of the road. Empty of my credit cards, pictures and checks. All that was left was my driver's license. FML

#2672288
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24096) - you deserved it (39285)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by fml_seriouslyfml (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, when petting my friend's dog, I acted like I was going to make out with him. While I wasn't looking the dog stuck his entire tongue in my mouth. FML

#2663554
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9829) - you deserved it (76947)

On 06/06/2009 at 3:44pm - health - by thedogkisser (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

#2619681
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39965) - you deserved it (7497)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML

#2590991
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41497) - you deserved it (17815)

On 06/04/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by ether10 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59171) - you deserved it (25351)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was riding on my bike when a guy on the street shouted, "I LOVE YOU!" at me. I recently told my boyfriend I loved him, and his response was, "I don't love you but I won't treat you any differently." Perverts on the street love me, but my boyfriend doesn't. FML

#2555277
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48383) - you deserved it (4901)

On 06/03/2009 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling in bed talking about our future wedding coming up. He leaned over seductively to tell me he got a present for me to ‘use’ on our wedding day. It was a pack of breath mints. FML

#2491424
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41200) - you deserved it (10310)

On 06/01/2009 at 1:55am - love - by thanksbaby (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

#2449996
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41247) - you deserved it (18870)

On 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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