Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21757) - you deserved it (2205)
On 07/10/2012 at 3:33pm - misc - by I_Has_A_Fishy - United States (Texas)
Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5183) - you deserved it (22474)
On 07/10/2012 at 11:39am - misc - by mustanggt (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10549) - you deserved it (20830)
On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)
Today, I picked up my car from the repair shop, drove two miles, and ran out of gas. I then walked to get gas, put a gallon of gas in the car, and tried to start it. The battery was too weak to start the car, and died on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17550) - you deserved it (1570)
On 07/05/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by 303 - United States (Texas)
Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5816) - you deserved it (16206)
On 07/03/2012 at 7:33am - kids - by ew (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I finally achieved the perfect hourglass figure. Too bad I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15847) - you deserved it (3543)
On 06/25/2012 at 10:05am - misc - by Wwiimaniac (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18762) - you deserved it (1311)
On 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm - love - by Az (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I fell going down the stairs and hit my head on the wall. My parents came frantically running to my side, but only to make sure I hadn't damaged the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14761) - you deserved it (1257)
On 06/09/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Lily (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4215) - you deserved it (20779)
On 06/07/2012 at 8:10am - health - by Darwin_Award_Winner (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13086) - you deserved it (2452)
On 06/06/2012 at 1:00am - work - by Jonas - United States (Texas)
Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22394) - you deserved it (8472)
On 06/02/2012 at 2:50am - misc - by OutOfTheCloset - United States (Texas)
Today, at my job as a lifeguard, I told a teenager to, "Walk please." He then threw his soda at me as he ran away. We aren't allowed off stand unless it's an emergency, so I baked in that soda for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (145) - you deserved it (1578)
On 05/28/2012 at 10:05am - work - by emonsteadman - United States (Texas)
Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24084) - you deserved it (4923)
On 05/27/2012 at 3:19am - misc - by iPhonekid - United States (Texas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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